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Harper\My Documents\My Pictures\Novels\A Perfect Peace\1553521110.new.jpg8"""|i! !i!  !UA~    H'  _XQXXXGlynnComptonHarper"APerfectPeace   D(#Page  1  #X=XXXQ+#    e     $       dffff)!dxdx&p d Pdhhhh)!dxdx&p Pd djkjk)!dxdx3+0 d d d3+0 d d dmmmm)!dxdx dWWWWW)!dxdx)!dxdxW)!dxdxusto I&mage!<=8C HKKKK(.3$  !USUS.,  ( $ Figure  1  Level 1Level 2Level 3Level 4Level 5  !  _Pr eP@<jz0   `(BpPd@E 0*pp@P)+ (#(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# "(#"(# @-(,"(#"(# P       XXAPerfectPeace#X=X #XX=   #X=X] #AwarStory L by $ &  GlynnComptonHarper     '      May15,2006  Note:    1.Thepoemquotedonpages127and128isfromTheManAgainsttheSkybyEdwin t ArlingtonRobinson.IfounditinAQuartoofModernLiterature,3rdEdition,Charles_Scribner_s ` Sons,New_York.The_Ԁpoetdiedin1935andthebookwaspublishedin1950.Itmaystillbeunder L  copyrightprotection.  8  8=XXdXXd8MPtc   `     CHAPTER1 g     Atireonthearmytruckbumpedhardinapotholeeatenfromtheasphaltbyanassaultof ?\ trafficmuchheavierthantheroadwasbuilttocarry.Inthecanvas-coveredrearofthetruck,the 4 troopsbouncedontheplankseatsandthosewhowereawakesworeinlowcurses.Thecurses   weremostlyperfunctory;frequentpotholesintheroadmadethejoltsroutine.       "Damn!"BobbyJoe_Keyes_Ԁsworetoo,butnotoutloud,andhiscursewasnotperfunctory. "   TheArmytroopcarrierwaspartofaconvoyoftruckswormingalongarain-slick w$ macadamroadbetweenLiverpoolontheIrishSeaandanArmycamp,apatchofrawbulldozed O&l! earth,nearthevillageof_Kelchurch_ԀinDevonshire.Intherearofthetruck,underthetarpaulin '(D # coverthatprotectedthemfromtherain,butnotthecold,fifty-eightmen,the1stplatoonofBaker )"% Company,partofthe116thInfantryRegiment,bouncedinatightpackonthehardseats. +#'   Beforeshuttinghiseyesagainandpretendingtosleep,Private_Keyes_Ԁlookedouttherear -%) ofthevehicleastheywereroundingacurvetryingtoseetheendofthelineofsquinteyed  headlightsfollowinghistruck,butthelinestretchedoutofsightbehindhim.     Througheyesopenjustacrack,hehadbeensecretlywatchingthesoldiersittingonthe   plankseatacrossfromhim,takingachancebecausethemanwasasleep,buthewasafraidthe k  bouncingwouldwakethesoldierup. C`   Themansname,stenciledonhisgear,wasJames,_A.J._,andlikeBobbyJoe,Jameswasa 8  private,anothernewmanintheplatoon.BobbyJoedidnotknowwhattheinitials_A.J._stoodfor.   Themenhadreportedfrombootcamponlyafewdaysbeforetheyweredeployed,andas   enlistedmentheywerecalledonlybytheirlastnames,unlesssomebodyhadalreadygotten  himselfanickname. {   BobbyJoewatchedasJamestwistedontheseatinfrontofhimandpulledatthecloth Sp bindinghimbetweenhislegs,buthiseyesstayedclosed.BobbyJoealsomovedaboutonhis +H plankseatandpulledathisclothing,playactingthathewasasleeptoo.     HewentbacktowatchingJamesand,forafurtivemoment,lethisownswellingshow.  HelikedthatabouttheArmy,beingabletolookatothermen,likeinthelockerroominschool, ! butintheArmy,especiallyatnightinthebarracks,helikedwatchingthemwhentheywere # asleep.Heknewwhatwatchingtheothermenmeantabouthimself,orwouldhaveknownifhe c%  thoughtaboutit,butitwasasecrethekeptfromhimselfbynotthinkingaboutit. ;'X"   Heenjoyedwatching,especiallynowwatchingJames,buthewouldneveractually )0!$ fantasizeaboutdoinganythingexceptlook,andhewouldonlylookatthemenifhewere *#& absolutelysureitwassafe.Hewasirrationallyafraidofanyoneevensuspectingthatheliked ,$( _watchingtheothers.    Suddenly,absorbedwithlookingatJames"ormaybehehad  driftedintoactualsleep"a   nightmareBobbyJoehadwhilecrossingtheAtlanticbrokeintohisconsciousness:burning   water,ashipsinking,blacksmoke,screamingmen,drowning,menthrashingonthesurfaceof k  oilyblackwater,adyingshipsinkinginicycoldblackwater. C`   BobbyJoejerkedawakeatthesametimethetruckbumpedagaininanotherpothole.Fear 8  driedhismouthandsentshockspinningfromstomachtogroinandback.Atfirsthisterror   connectedboththenightmareandfearthathehadbeendiscoveredwatchingJames.Thefearwas   entangledandseemedthesame,butashecameawakeheknewitwasonlythenightmarethat  scaredhim.Nothinghadchangedinthebackofthetruck.Sleepingmengrumbled,andhecould { stillseeJames,legsspreadinfrontofhim. Sp   Nothinghadchangedthereeither.Thesoldierwasstillasleeporpretendedtobe.The +H nightmarefadedoncethefearwasgone.Thehardseatinthecoldunderatarpaulin,bouncing,  lurchingoverapockedhighwayinwinterrainwasnotsobad,BobbyJoethought.Safebehind  hissleepcamouflage,hehadfoundawaytoenjoytheride. 2!O   BobbyJoeKeyeswasnineteenyearsoldwithbluegreeneyesandlightbrownhair, " whichhadtwistedintocurlsbeforethearmycroppedittolookliketheotherGIs.Helikedthe $  closeGIcut,notbecausehelikedthewayhelooked!hewasnotmuchconcernedabouthis 9&V" looks!butbecausethephysicalchangewasafirstfruitofhisdesiretobesomeonedifferentfrom ' $ theboyhehadbeenbeforehejoinedthearmy.Theboyhadgrownintoaquietyoungman,not )!&  muchforpointlesstalk,whowastaciturnandemotionallyopaque,afacehepresentedtothe @+]#( tc   e   worldnotjusttodisguiseanativeshyness,butalsobecausehehadtokeepatightreignonhisemotions.     Hewasshorterthanaveragewithasquarejawedface,andalthoughhewasnot   handsome,hehadsomethingbetter,thesortofbearingpeoplenoticedinagroup.Hewasnot = Z insecurityabouthisintelligenceorhisbody"orevenhisshortness.Hewouldhavelikedtobe   taller,mostlybecausehethoughtshortmendidnotgetrespectedrightoff,butheknewhewasa  betterathleteandprobablysmarterthanmostmen,whethertheyweretallerornot. Da  Ѐ  Heknewhehadsometalentstoo,althoughhewascarefulaboutwhentodisplaythem,   andhetriednottooverestimatetheirvalue.Theyoftenremindedhimthatnoneofhismany   blessingswereanythingtobeproudof"theybeinghismotherssisterandherhusbandwho Kh  raisedhimafterhisparentsandbrotherdiedinacarwreck.      Hewasninewhenthathappened.Aftertheaccident,hewaswaryofmakingclose  emotionalconnectionstofriendsorfamily.Hedidnotwanttobehurtlikethatagain,togrieve Ro likethat.Ashegrewolder,thewarinessbecameareflex,abarriertoevergrievinglikethat  again.  Eventuallyhewasablerarelytothinkaboutthewreck,orratheritsaftermathforhe  rememberedlittleofthewreckitself,onlythenoiseandterror.Hehadbeenasleepintheback Yv seatwhenithappened. !#   Hehadalwayshadaquicktemper!evenbeforetheaccident!anotherreasontokeepa "  tightgriponhisemotions.Ifhewerenotcareful,hecoulderuptviolentlyinasuddenflashof `$}" anger.Hiscontemporarieshadlearnedwhenhewasstillachildnottoprovokethefurythatburst  &*$ outinmorethanoneplaygroundbrawl.Ashegrewolder,theoutburstswerelessfrequent '& becausehelearnedtokeepacarefulcheckallemotion,notjustanger,buttheywerebynomeans g)!(  rare. +1#*   Theopaquenessofhisfeelingsalsoprotectedagainstwomenwhomighthavebeen   inclinedtogetromantic,andmenwhomighttrytotreathimlikeakid.Hewasmuscularand   quick,andhadplayedfirststringquarterbackfortheTimpsonHighSchoolVarsityinhisjunior = Z andsenioryears,agoodoutletforchannelinghisangryside,andgainedhimthereputationofan   aggressivecompetitorinsports,areputationjustshortofbeingtooaggressive,andatraitthat  madetheTimpsonHighSchoolcoachingstafftheenvyoftheiroppositionontheplayingfield.. Da    BobbyJoewaslikedandrespectedbyhisteachersandtheotherstudents,buthewasnot   closetoanyone,evenhisauntanduncle.Hewasalertandwatchfulbothonthefieldandoff,and   inconversationmadehepeoplevaguelyuneasybecausehisfaceseldomrevealedmuchofwhat Kh  hewasthinking.  IfBobbyJoewasnottalkative,hewasalwaysrespectfulandpolitetoadultsand  friendlyenoughwithotherkidssothatnoonesaidhewasrudeorconceited:theysaidhewas  justhardtoknow. Ro   EvenCoachwouldaskhimsometimeswhathewasthinking,evenwhenBobbyJoe  thoughtthemanshouldhaveknownwithouthavingtoask.Coachtold  himhewouldbeagood  pokerplayersomeday,whenhegrewup.ThatwaswhenBobbyJoewasstillakid,duringthe Yv timewhenCoachwasstillclosetohim,ifclosewastherightwaytodescribethemans !# attentions.ThemanhadlostinterestwhenBobbyJoeenteredadolescenceandbegantomature "  intoaman.ThelossofthemansattentionsdidnotmattermuchtoBobbyJoeatthetime,and `$}" whenthemanfoundayoungerboytopayattentionto,BobbyJoeacceptedwithasenseofrelief  &*$ thathewasnolongerthemansfavorite.EvenfromthebeginningBobbyJoewasambivalent '& abouttheolderman.Coachsinterestinhim,andhisinterestinCoach,wasphysicalanderotic, g)!(  andtherehadbeenneitherrealfriendshipnoranemotionalconnectionbetweenthem. +1#*   Asachild,BobbyJoecravedmaleaffectionandaffirmation,somethingneitherhisuncle   noranyothermalerelativeoffered,andhewaswillingtotradehisbodyforattentionfrom   Coach,althoughitprovidedneitherrealaffectionnoraffirmation.BythetimeCoachlostinterest = Z inhim,BobbyJoenolongerlikedthemanandwasgladtoescape.ItdidnotoccurtoBobbyJoe   thenthatCoachhadusedhim,becauseinhisownmind,BobbyJoefelthealsohadusedCoach.  BobbyJoedidfeelsorryforCoachsnewkid,however,afraidthatwhenhistimecametobe Da  discarded,theyoungerboymightmissCoachmorethanBobbyJoehad.Wheninlateryears,   BobbyJoeheardthatCoachhadgonetoprisonformolestinga7yearold,hehadnosympathy   fortheman,buthedidfeelsorryfortheyoungstersbeingexposedpublicallytotheshame Kh  BobbyJoehadescaped.      ThedoublenameBobbyJoewasavestigeofchildhood,anameheacceptedbecausein  EastTexasanadultmanwithadoublefirstname,evenadiminutive,childishnamelikeBobby Ro Joe,wascommon.WhenBobbyJoereachedhisteens,however,andgrewawareofthewider  world,hecametotoleratethenameonlybecausehedidnotwanttofacetheissueofgetting  peopletocallhimbyanotherone.IntheArmy,however,whereanenlistedmanwascalledonly Yv byhislastname,hiscountrifieddoublenamewascroppedlikehiscurlyhair,andnolonger !# mattered. "    "Hey!Anybodygotacigarette?" `$}"   Ahigh-pitchedvoicepiercedtheracketofthetruckengineandthewhiningwettirenoise  &*$ ontheasphalt.ThenamestenciledonthegearofthemanwhoownedthevoicewasB.Bibbs, '& andafterhespoke,heturnedhisheadonaskinnyneckandlookedabouthim.Withsmalldark g)!( eyesandahooknose,helookedlikeapredatorybirdandhewasthefirstmanintheplatoonto +1#* earnanickname:Hadhebeenlikedorevenrespectedbytheothersoldiers,hemighthavebeen ,$, P      calledHawk,orifhehadbeenfunandmadejokes,theymighthavecalledhimBird,buthewas  neitherHawknorBird;hewasTheMoochbehindhisback,andeventuallysimply Mooch,   eventohisface. = Z   NooneinthetruckansweredhimbecauseBibbslikedthesoundofhisownvoiceas   muchashelikedsmokingotherpeoplescigarettes,andfewofthesoldierslikedtalkingtohim.    "Hey,Sarge,gimmeacigarette." Da    "Fuckoff,Bibbs.     Jackson,theplatoonsergeant,spokewithoutlookingattheman.Hewasdeepinthoughts   ofhisown,gazingoutthebackofthetruckattherainandthetruckfollowingbehind. Kh      BibbsvoicegaveBobbyJoeaquickflashofangerandheheldhisbreath.Bibbswas  sittingnexttoJamesandknowingthatJamessmoked,BobbyJoeexpectedMoochtopunchthe  sleepingsoldierandwakehimup. Ro   "Here,Bibbs,Igotone."Striker,anothernewman,whoatseventeenwastheyoungest  maninthecompany,heldoutapack.Strikercompensatedforhisyouthbysuckinguptothe  othermenandBobbyJoedidnotlikehimmuchbecauseofit.Beingyoungwaslikebeingshort, Yv butbeingshortlastedallyourlifeandyouhadtolearntodealwithitwithoutsuckingup.Hedid !# notlikesuckups,anddeflectedStrikersattemptstosuckuptohim.Atthemoment,however, "  BobbyJoewasgratefultotheseventeenyearoldmanforentertainingBibbs. `$}"   BibbsborrowedStriker'slightertooandputitinhisownpocketwhenhehadlighted  &*$ Strikerscigaretteafterlightinghisown,andbegantalkingtotheyoungerman.Bibbsdidmost '& ofthetalking.Themen'svoicessoonbecamepartofthetrucknoiseandBobbyJoe,forgetting g)!(  the  nightmareandBibbs,wentbacktowatchingJames. +1#*   BobbyJoewaseagertoenlistwhenhegraduatedfromhighschool.Hewouldhave   volunteeredbeforegraduation,afterthefootballseasonwasover,whenheturned18in   November,buthisauntanduncle,andofcoursethecoachesatschoolconvincedhimtofinish = Z outtheschoolyearandgethisdiplomabecausehealsorantrackandplayedbaseballfor   Timpsoninthespringaswellasplayingfootballinthefall.    HelookedforwardtotheArmybecausehehopedthatintheArmy,awayfromEast Da  Texasandfromeverybodyknowinghim,hemightmeetsomeonehecouldbefriendswith.   Despitethetightholdhekeptonhisemotions,anddespitehiswarinessofgettingcloseto   anyone,hewaslonely.Ontheveryedgesofhisthoughts,notquitemakingaconnection Kh  consciously,hewaslookingforsomeonewhocouldsatisfythelonginghefelt,likenowwhenhe  wassecretlywatchingJames.Hedidknowexactlyandconsciouslywhathewas  longingfor,but  hedidknowthatwhateveritwas,-  Ԁorwhoeveritwas,wasnotavailableinEastTexas. Ro   ButhehadfoundthatevenintheArmyhehadbroughtwithhimthesameproblemhe  hadhopedtoescapebyleavingTexas.EvennowintheArmy,wheneversomeonewasfriendly,  BobbyJoewasafraidtoencouragethefriendship.Theoldfearoflosswasstillthere,evenifhe Yv didnotknowthatitwasfearthatmadehimwaryofcloseness.Whenheenteredhisteens,he !# addedanewfeartotheoldunconsciousfearoflossthatworkedtoisolatehim;hebegantosense "  anotherdanger;thatsomeonemightguessthereasonwhyhewaslonely,andhewasverymuch `$}" afraidofthatdanger.  &*$   Whenhewasaboy,afterhisfamilywaskilled,heinventedanimaginaryfriendtofillthe '& placeofthebrotherwhodied.TheimaginarykidsnamewasKeno.Kenowaslively,withthe g)!( outgoingsocialskillshisolderbrother,Tim,hadbeforehedied.BobbyJoehadreliedonTimto +1#* beoutgoingforbothofthem,soheneverneededtodevelopthoseskillsforhimself.Most ,$, childrenabandontheirimaginaryfriendsandsometimesforgetthementirelywhentheyenter  adolescence,butBobbyJoeheldontothefantasybecausehetrustednooneenoughtoreplace   Keno. = Z   KenoandBobbyJoesharedmostoftheirtimetogetherbesideasluggishgreenwater   creekonhisuncle'sdairyfarm.Duringpartsofthesummerthecreekstoppedflowingand  becameaseriesofstagnantpoolswherethewaterwasdeepandablackergreenandthebreeding Da  placeforfrogsandsnakes,andwherecatfishwaitedoutthedryseasononthemuddybottom.     AtoneofthesepoolsKenoandBobbyJoespentthehottestpartofthedayscreenedfrom   theoutsideworldbyadensegreencanopyofleaves.Nothingdisturbedthemthere,exceptfrom Kh  timetotimewhenablackwatersnakedroppedintothepoolfromanoverhanginglimb,orafrog  wouldleavethebankwithasolemnplop,sendingsmoothwavestorippleoutandgentlytouch  theedgesofitsworld. Ro     Thereinthecoolprivacyofasweet-smellingbedofrottingleaves,BobbyJoeandKeno  togetherdiscoveredtheexcitingpleasureofejaculation.OrgasmbecameassociatedinBobby  Joe'smindwithKenoandwiththehideoutbesidethepool,anditwasherehereturnedafter Yv Coachlostinterestinhim,andwhennooneelsewasaroundtoreplacetheman. !#   BobbyJoemadealastvisittothehideoutpoolonthemorningheleftfortheArmy. "  Whenhewalkedawayfromthesecretplace,Kenoremainedbehind.Foramoment,BobbyJoe `$}" feltthesharpnessoflossthathadcreatedKenoandsustainedhisexistence,butKenobelongedto  &*$ thepoolandcouldnotgowithhim.ThehopeofreplacingKenointheArmypresentedafresh '& prospect,anexcitingpossibilitythatsoftenedthesharpnessoflossintoamelancholylonging. g)!(  LeavingKenobehindwassad,butitdidnothurt.BobbyJoedidnotknowthen,thatKenowas +1#* alreadypartofthepast,justamemory,likehisbrotherandparents.Hadheknown,losingKeno  wouldhavehurt,buthethoughtthenthatKenowouldstillbetherewaitingafterthewar.      Aheadintheconvoyoftrucks,adaydreamingdriverwascarelessandlethisvehicle = Z creepuptooclosetotheriginfront.Heoverbrakedtocorrectthedistanceandthenextdriver   behindhimalsobrakedtoohard.Likecrack-the-whip,theerrorgainedmagnitudeasittraveled  downtheline.ThedriverofBobbyJoe'strucksawthesuddenredglareofbrakelightsaheadand Da  slowedbeforethechainreactionarrived.Hisalertnesskeptthevehiclefromrammingthe   weaponscarrieraheadandalsogavethedriverbehindtimetoavoidhim,butevensohehitthe   brakehardenoughtolockthewheels,andthetruckskidsideways.Thedriversteeredoutofthe Kh  skidbutthemenintheback,unpreparedforthecareeningofthetruck,hadtobracehardwith  armsandlegstostayontheseats.    Surprisedbytheviolentlurch,BobbyJoe'seyespoppedopenashegrabbedforsupport. Ro Startled,hewassuddenlylookingstraightintoJames'wideopeneyesstaringbackathim.  Duringthenakedmomentwhileeachheldtheother'sgaze,beforetheybothlookedaway,they  knewthatneithermanhadreallybeensleeping.Quicklytheycoveredthemomentand Yv instinctivelyrearrangedtheirtrousers. !#   Jamesspokefirst."Son-of-a-bitch!hesaid. "    Themangrinnedashespokeandtherewasnohintofguiltorembarrassmentinhis `$}" voice.Insteadhesoundedplayful,asifheandBobbyJoewereconspiratorsandhadpulledoff  &*$ somethingwithoutgettingcaught.ThesoldierremindedBobbyJoejustthenofKenoandthe '& wayKenohadtakendelightinthinkingupmischief.Kenooncegrinned,likeJameswasgrinning g)!( now,whileheandBobbyJoetossedthecoresofstolenapplesoneaftertheotherintothegreen +1#* blackpool,makingwavesthatshatteredsmallpatchesofblueskymirroredinthewater. ,$,   BobbyJoeknewhehadtosaysomethingtoo.Ifhesaidnothinghewouldrevealhimself,  almostasifhehadconfessedaloud.Thethoughtofsomeoneelseknowingwhathehadbeenup   toscaredhim.HeglancedatBibbsandStrikerwhohadbeencaughtoffguardaswell,thenhe = Z thoughtofthenightmareandpushedthethoughtaway.ThatJameswasinvolvedinconspiracyas   wellmadenodifference.Theothersoldier'sindifferencecoveredanyguiltorembarrassmenthe  mayhavefelt,butBobbyJoewasnaked.Terrorlikethenightmaresqueezedandcircledinhis Da  solarplexus.Oneword,nothingmuch,wasallheneeded,justenoughsotheirplayactingat   sleepcouldbeignoredifnotforgotten.     "AreyouOK?"Jamesasked.HehadstoppedsmilingandwaslookingatBobbyJoewith Kh  apuzzledexpression,maybeconcern."Youlookkindofpale.Areyousick?"    "Iwasdreaming,"BobbyJoesaid,misleadingthemanifnotlyingtohimentirely.   Wakingupsoquick".Hedidnotknowhowtocontinue.Thenakednesshehadfeltstaring Ro intoJames'eyeswasalreadymorethanhewantedtoreveal. Itsurprisedme,hesaid,feeling  foolish. It"uh"upsetme."Nowhehadsaidtoomuch.    "YougoingtobeOK?" Yv     "Yeah.I'mOK." !#   BobbyJoefeltcontrolreturn,butnowhewasawareofamissedopportunity.Inthebrief "  nakedmomentaftertheskid,whentheyhadlookedateachotherseyes,BobbyJoerecognized `$}" inJamesaneedlikehisown.Inthatfirstmomentofrecognition,inspiteoftheolddreadof  &*$ connection,hefeltanattractionstrongenoughtostrugglefreeoftheoldfear,butinhis '& confusion,heretreatedfromhisattractiontothemaninareflexhequicklyregretted.He g)!(  strugglednowtofindawaytoregaintheopportunity,buthewasinunchartedwaters. +1#*   James'playfulnessblockedhisansweringwithanythinguseful,andthehabitsthathad   protectedhiminthepastnowdeprivedhimofaknackforsmalltalk.Hehadnoresourceswith   whichtoovercomehisdumbness.Histonguewasflatanddry,aleatheryimmobilestrapinhis = Z mouth.Frustratedhesatsilentonthehardseatwithunrecoverablesecondsslippingawaylikethe   wetpavementunwindingbehindthetuck.Thelastpossiblemomenttospeakwaspassingandhe  knewtheopportunitywaslost. Da    "ThisisahellofawaytoseeEngland.Itlooksalotbetterwhenthesunisout."James   said,savingthemoment.     BobbyJoewasasrelievedasifhehadregainedhisfootingonslipperyground.Hesmiled Kh  attheothermantoencouragehim."Youbeenherebefore?"heasked,feelingfoolish.The  questionwasstupidandinadequate,buthecouldthinkofnothingbetter.    "Yeah.Iwasbornhere.Weleftin'27.IwasonlyfivesoIdon'tremembermuch,justthat Ro itwasgreenerandnotsowetandthatmygrandmotherusedtogivemecandy"sweetswecalled  it."    "You'reEnglish?" Yv   OncemoreBobbyJoecringedathisstupidreply.Jameswouldthinkhimafool.Butas !# BobbyJoeberatedhimselfforhisdullness,hewasalsomentallycalculatingJames'age.Ifhe "  wasbornin1927,themanwastwenty-two"threeyearsolderthanBobbyJoe,whowouldbe `$}" twentyinNovember.  &*$     IfIlivethatlong,hethought.Themenaceofwarthrustintohismindagain,notforthe '& firsttimesinceleavinghome.Thefirsttimewaswhenhisaunthadworriedaboutitoutloud. g)!(   "Myfolkswerenaturalizedin'38.TechnicallythatmademeAmericantoo,"Jamessaid. +1#*   "Youdon'thaveanaccent." ,$,   "IwasjustakidwhenweleftEnglandandIlearnedtotalklikeanAmericanassoonasI  couldtostayoutoffights.Youknowhowkidshatebeingdifferent"andarescaredofit.Ahell   ofalotofgoodit'sdonemenow,tryingtostayoutoffights."Hegrinnedandgesturedabout = Z him,meaningtheArmy,thewar,hisbeinginthetruck.     "Yougotanyrelativesoverhere?"    "Notanymore.Mygrandmother"theonewhogavemesweets"diedayearortwoago. Da  Ihavesomecousins,butIdontknowthemandwouldntknowhowtocontactthem.Atraceof   Britishcreptintohisspeech,arisingperhapsfromthesubjecttheywerediscussing.Oddlythe   manschattermadeJamesseemlessastranger,asifheweresharingsomethingmorepersonal Kh  withBobbyJoethanhedidwithothers.    Yourfolksathomedontknowhowtolocateyourcousins?    Theyredead,Jamessaid.Ifhefeltemotionaboutwhathesaid,therewasnohintofit Ro inhisvoice.    Minetoo.Igrewuplivingwithmyauntanduncle,BobbyJoesaid.Theconnection  madebybothhavinglosttheirparentsmadeBobbyJoefeelclosertotheman. Yv   JamesnoddedatBobsstatement,butdidnotmakethelossoftheirparentsthetopicof !# furtherconversation.Bobknewtheyhadmadeasilentbondaboutthelossoftheirfamiliesbut "  hewasgladtoleaveitassomethingtheycouldtalkaboutlaterwithoutbeingoverheard.Forthe `$}" timebeing,theywouldskipoverthesubject.  &*$   "Myname'sTony,"Jamessaid."Thewholename'sAnthonyJosephJames,butIlikejust '& plainTonybetter." g)!(      "Mine's"uh"Bob,"hesaid.BobbyJoestayedbackinTexaswithKenoandcurlyhair. +1#*   Afteramoment'shesitationtheyshookhands,thehandshakeawkwardinaway.They   hadseeneachotherbeforethatmoment,andmayhavespokenonceortwice,butneverhada   conversation,sonowshakinghandsfeltappropriate.Theywouldnolongerbecallingeachother = Z onlybytheirlastnames,soshakinghandswasthesocialthingtodo,butintruth,thehandshake   alsomadetouchingpossible.    Boblikedtheothermansgrip.Hishandwasasstrongasitlooked,masculineandstrong Da  withwelltrimmednails;notcallousedwithbrokennailslikeBobs,notaworkingmanshand   likeBob's,butamanshandnevertheless.BobwonderedwhyhehadnotnoticedJamesbefore   hebegantowatchhiminthetroopcarrierandwhyhishandsseemedsoappealingnow.It Kh  occurredtohimashelookedatJamesthathehadneverparticularlynoticedKeno'shands,and  hecouldnotimaginethemnow.    "What'sthe'J'for?"Jameswantedtoknow. Ro   "Huh?"    "The'J'.Yourinitial.Bob'J'Keyes."    "Joe." Yv   "Wevegotthesamemiddlename."Jamessaidasifitpleasedhimtohavefound !# somethingelsetheyhadincommon,besidesthefactthatbothoftheirparentsweredead. "    "Butit'snotR.J.Keyes, Tonysaid. It'sB.J.Keyes.IsYou'refirstnamesjustBob,not `$}" Robert.BobsanicknameforRobertIthought."Itseemedimportantforhimtogetitright.  &*$ "BobJosephKeyes?" '&   Bob,whoonlyaminutebefore,hadleftBobbyJoeinTexas,wasforcedtoreclaimthat g)!(  partofhispast.Hewasembarrassed,asifhehadbeencaughtlying. +1#*     "ItsnotreallyJoseph.It'sjustplainJoe.AnditsnotRobert"orBob"either.Its   Bobby.MyrealnameisBobbyJoe.Thatswhatmybirthcertificatesays:BobbyJoeKeyes.I   hopedIcouldleaveBobbyJoebackinTexasandjustbeplainBob. = Z   Bobsembarrassmenthaddisappearedandhecaughtthepace,doingsmalltalk.Itwas   almostlikestayinguponabicyclethefirsttimeandnotfallingoff. That'swhatsonmybirth  certificate,BobbyJoe,herepeatedhimself,becausedoingsogavehimsomethingelsetosay. Da   Itskindofcountry,butthatsmyrealname.I'dratheryoujustcallmeBob."     "God,Bob!Tonysaid,Idontblameyou.BobbyJoemakesyousoundlikeahick,and   youdontlookoractlikeahick." Kh    ItwasthefirsttimeinhislifehehadbeencalledBob.Itfeltodd,likehewassomeone  else,buthelikedthewayitfeltwhenJames"Tony"saidit.    "Ithoughtyousoundedkindofsouthern,Bob.SoyourefromTexas? Ro   "EastTexas.ImfromTimpson.ItsasmalltownnearNacogdoches."    "Nearwhere?"Jamessaidsmiling.    "Nacogdoches,butyouveprobablyneverheardofanyplaceitsnear,exceptFortPolkin Yv Louisiana.TimpsonsjustacrosstheSabineRiverfromLouisiana." !#   "I'veheardofthatarmpit,alright." "    ThetwohadgonethroughbootcampatFortPolkifnotinthesamecompanyofrecruits, `$}" andtheylaughedasifTonysderisionofthefortweremuchfunnierthanitwasbecauselaughing  &*$ togetherfeltgood. '&   AreyoufromthesameTimpsonasinTenaha,Timpson,BoboandBlair,thethingcrap g)!(  shooterssaywhentheyneedtomakeaten? +1#*   Yeah,thesameone.Myuncleclaimedhewastheonestarteditshootingcrapsona   trooptrainduringWorldWarI.     Gee,Bob,yourealmostfamous,Tonysaidlaughing. = Z     Laughinglikedrunks,theirspiritsrose,defyingthemiserablewet,coldride,andthey   continuedtotalk,exchanginginformationabouteachother,personalthingslikebirthdaysand  favoritemusicandwhetherornottheylikedtodance.(Tonydid,Bobdidnot"or Da  rather"seldomhad.)PeopleinEastTexasdidnotdancemuch,exceptsquaredances.Ballroom   dancingwasmorallysuspect,andbesidestheclumsy,sweatyeffortofmaneuveringagirlintime   tomusicwasmoreordealthanfunforBob,andtheclosecontactwithagirlsbody,ifnotquite Kh  repulsive,wasnotpleasanteither,especiallywhenthegirlrubbedherselftoohardagainsthim.    Everyscrapofinformationabouttheotherwaslikeagift.ThiswasfinallywhatBobhad  lookedforwardtointheArmy,makingafriendandmaybesomethingmorethanjustafriend, Ro andTonywasthefirstpersoninhislifethathelikedandtrustedenoughtooverridehiscaution.  Inhighschool,afterhisfifteenthbirthday,andayearorsoafterCoachlostinterest,Bobbegan  reallytofeelanemptyplaceinside,onethatfantasycouldnotfill,butwhenhemadetentative Yv effortstofindaclosefriendamongtheboysheknewinhighschool,hiseffortswerefrustrated. !#   Hefoundnoone,notonlybecausehedidnotknowhowtoovercomehishabitsasa "  loner,and,evenmoredifficult,becausetheboysheknewhadreachedapointintheirownlives `$}" whentheywerenotlookingforclosenesswithsomeoneoftheirownsex.Whattheywanted  &*$ madethemdifferentfromBob.Theywerenotinterestedinnewfriendshipswithotherboys,and '& eventiesbetweenlongtimebuddiesloosenedastheboys'interestingirlsgrewstronger. g)!(   LonelinesswasoneofthereasonsBobbyJoewasgladtoenlist.Hedidnotthinkofbeing +1#* inbattleasdangerousorthreatening.Inthespringof1944whenheenlisted,thewarwasstill ,$, excitingforhighschoolboys.Bobthoughtaboutgoingtowarinthesamewayhethoughtof  goinghunting,withoutworryingthatthequarrycouldshootback.Thearmypromisedanewand   largerworldwherehewouldbeabletofillhisemptiness. = Z   UpuntiltherideinthetruckandmeetingTony,thearmyhadasyetprovidednorelieffor   theloneliness,butBoblikedthelifeanyway.Hewasusedtogettingupearlytodothe  milking"earlierthanintheArmy,andhewasusedtohardwork,andhewasagoodshot.Even Da  asakidhecouldshootasquirreloutofatreebeforemosthisagehadseenit.Sohestoodoutas   asharpshooteramongtheotherrecruits,especiallythecityboys.     TherewasplentyoffoodintheArmytoo,andifitwasmonotonousanddidnottasteas Kh  goodashisAunts,healsofeltnoguiltineatingit.Heearnedtherighttoeatitbylearningto  soldier.Themealshisauntandunclefedhimwerecharity,evenhischoresonthefarmdidnot  entitlehimtoeattheirfood.Theirattitudehethoughtwasthattheywereentitledtotheworkhe Ro didforgivinghimaplacetolive.    Hisathleticprowesswasnotasourceofprideforthem,butratheraluxurytheyallowed  ifthesportsdidnotinterferewithhisworkonthefarm.Hisuncleespeciallywasgladtobaskin Yv hisnephewsskill,butBobsuspectedthathisunclewouldratherhavehisownsonasasports !# heroandnotanephew.Hisauntandunclehadnochildrenoftheirown.Thatwaswhytheytook "  Bobin,buthisaccomplishmentsdidnotgivethemthesamepleasuretheywouldhavegotten `$}" fromasonoftheirown,andunderneaththeirsenseofdutytowardhimwasasubtleresentment  &*$ thathewassomeoneelsesson. '&   BoblikedtheArmylifetoobecauselivinginthebarracksclosetoothermenpleased g)!(  him.Fromhisbunkhecouldseethemarousedintheirsleepinthegrayhourbeforedawnandin +1#* themorningwhentheygotupscratchingandyawningonthewaytopee.Hefeignedsleepwhen  hewatched,ashehadbeenlookingatTonybeforethelurchingofthetruckendedit.      "YouguysheartheoneaboutthetravelingsalesmanandthegirlnamedSnow?" = Z     BibbsinterruptedtheconversationbetweenBobandTony.HeandStrikerweretheonly   onesinthetruck,otherthanBobandTony,whowerenottryingtosleep.FromtimetotimeBob  noticedBibbsglancingintheirdirectiontryingtolistentotheirconversationevenwhilehe Da  carriedonasteadymonologue.     "Whatdidyousay,Bibbs?"Tonyasked.     "IsaiddidyouhearthejokeaboutthetravelingsalesmanandthegirlnamedSnow?" Kh    "Yeah.Youtolditacoupleofhundredtimesontheboatcomingover."  ЀTonyturnedbacktoBob. DoyouhavefamilyinTexas,besidesyourauntanduncle?"    "Notalot.I"" Ro   "YouhearaboutthesixfootTexanthatgottheshitbeatoutofhimandtheyburiedhim  inashoebox?"Bibbsthrewhisheadbackandlaughedathisjoke.    Strikermadeaweaksmile,butdidnotlaugh.HewatchedTonyandBob,notwanting Yv themtogetmadathim. !#   "Ihavesomeotherauntsanduncles.IvegotamarriedcousinintheArmyAirCorps, "  andhiswifefliesfortheWASPs.Ivegotsomekidcousinstoo,buttheyreallyoungerthanme. `$}" Mymothersfatherisstillalive.Myfathersparentstoo,butIdontseeanyofthemmuch,  &*$ exceptChristmasandThanksgiving.Myfamilyisnotveryclose.Myauntsandunclesdontget '& alongandfightamongthemselvesalot. g)!(   "Youguysarepoorlittleorphans,huh?"Bibbssaid,tryingtoentertheirconversation. +1#* "Wehadthisscrawnykidathome!livedwithanaunt.Hewasagoddamnedqueer.Theguys ,$, usedtoscrewhiminthebutt.Howaboutapiece,Keyes?"Hethrewbackhisheadandbrayed  withhismouthopen.     Bobflushedred,andclenchedhishandsintofistsagainsthisthighs.Strikergrinned,but = Z catchingaglimpseofBob'sface,hestoppedsmiling.TonysawBob'sangertooandbeforeBob     hadtimetoreact,Tonytappedhimonthekneetogethisattention.HesmiledwhenBoblooked  athim. Da    Bibbsstoppedlaughingandwithhismouthstillopen,hetwistedhisheadtolookatTony   withhisblackbirdeyes.     "Youknow,I'vealwaysheardit'sjustaqueertofuckaguyastogetfucked.Yousaying Kh  you'requeer,Bibbs/"    "Ineversaidnothingaboutscrewinghimmyself.IgetallthetailIwantwithoutscrewing  queers.Idon'thavenothingtodowithqueers.I'dbeattheshitoutofoneifhetriedanythingwith Ro me!"    "Youreprobablyininmoredangerfromshit-eatingdogs,"Tonysaid, Aselfrespecting  queerwouldn'tlookatyoutwice." Yv   StrikerburstoutlaughingandBoblaughedtoo,releasingmostofhisanger. !#   "Shutup,Striker!"Bibbssnapped."Whatyoulaughingat?" "    Strikerlookedhurtandwassilent. `$}"   "Fuckyouboth,"BibbssaidlookingatTonyandBob."Gimmeanothercigarette,kid."  &*$   StrikertookoutthepackandgaveittoBibbs,whotookStrikerslighteroutofhispocket '& andlightedacigarette.HegavethepackbacktoStriker,butputthelighterbackinhisown g)!( pocketagainandsathunchedoverintheseatstaringbetweentheplankseatsatthebedofthe +1#* truck.Strikerwatchedhimkeepthelighter,butsaidnothing. ,$,   BobandTonywerequietforafewminutes,thenbegantalkingtogetheragain.Bibbssat  listeningtotheminsilence.Graduallythesullenlookonhisfacesubsidedbuthecontinuedto   watchthemwithhisbirdeyes = Z   ThetrucksarrivedwellpastmidnightatthetentcampsetupinthefieldsofDevonshire   nearKelchurch.Somethingoverahundredacreshadbeenscrapedflatandbare,exceptthata  dome-likehillhadbeenleftnearthecenterofthecamp.Therisewasundisturbedbecauseitwas Da  saidtobeassociatedwiththeCeltswhohadheldthelandbeforetheRomans.       Thesoldiersscrambledoutofthevehicles,stiffandsleepyafterthelongride.Rainwas   stillfallinginadrizzleandthetemperaturewasonlyjustabovefreezing.Thetroopsstood Kh  looselyinrankssmokingandtalkingquietly,theirshouldershunchedagainstthestiffwindthat  blewfromthenorthagainsttheirbacks.Theywaitedforanhourwhileofficerssortedouttent  assignments,andforanotherhourwhileinformationtrickleddownthroughthechainof Ro command.FinallyJacksonreceivednumbersandlocationsoftheBakerCompanytentsfromthe  platooncommanderandreadthemoff.Noonewasassignedbynametoanyofthetents.    ThetentshadbunksforfourmenandwhenBobandTonyfoundcotstogetherinoneof Yv themthetworemainingbunkshadalreadybeenclaimed.Gearbelongingtotheothermenlayon !# thebaremattresseswhereithadbeendumpedwhentheylefttodrawboxedmealsatthemess "  tent. `$}"   Oneofthebagsbelongedtotheplatoonsergeant,Jackson.Hewasaprofessionalsoldier  &*$ inhismidthirtiesandhadalreadyseenactioninNorthAfricawherehehadbeenwounded.He '& wasmarriedandhadasix-yearoldsonandababydaughter.TheylivedinLeesville,Louisiana g)!(  justoutsideFortPolk. +1#*   TheothercothadbeenclaimedbyGarza,aMexicanfromSanAntonio.Hewastwenty   andhadmarriedwhileonthelastfurloughbeforethecompanyleftforEngland.Hespentagreat   dealoftimelookingathiswife'spicture.Atnightafterthelightswereout,thosenearbycould = Z heartherattleofbeadsashesaidtheRosary.Jacksonnevermentioneditpublicly,buthismother   wasMexicanandheoccasionallyspokeSpanishwithGarza.Thetwowereformingafriendship  nowthattherestrictionsimposedbyGarza'srecruitstatushadendedwhenthecompanyformed Da  intoacombatunitandleftLouisiana.JacksonhadsentGarzatofindbunksforthetwoofthem   beforehedismissedtherestofthemen.     BibbshadbeenfollowingclosebehindTonyandBobwhentheyenteredthetent,he Kh  crowdedinafterthemastheythrewtheirloadsonthelasttwoemptycosts.Heputhisdufflebag    onthegroundandreadthenamesstenciledonthetwocanvasbagslyingontheotherbunks,  then,heputhisownbagonthecotwhereGarzahadlefthisandtossedtheMexican'sbagoutside Ro intotherain.    "Hey!"Tonyshouted."Whatinbloodyhellyoudoing?"    "Throwingthegreaseroutandmovingin.What'sitlooklike?" Yv   "Lookslikeyou'reabouttogetyourownassthrownout.Garzaalreadyclaimedthat !# bunk." "    "ThemChilieaterstakewhat'sleftoverwhereIcomefrom,"Bibbssaid.Hesmiled. `$}"   Wheredoyoucomefrom,Bibbs.Bigotville,Mississippi?Tonyasked.  &*$   ToBobBibbslookedlikeabuzzardwithitsbeakopenpanting. '&   "PutGarza'sgearbackonthecotandgetoutofhere,"Bobsaid,"and""Hespoke g)!( quietlyandevenly,butthelackofemotioninhisvoicedidnothingtohidetheangerand +1#* contemptthatlaybehindwhathesaid. ,$,   BibbscutofftherestofwhatBobwasgoingtosay,buthisvoicecrackedwhenhe  spoke."Yougonnamakeme,youpieceofTexasshit?"Hewassuddenlyscaredandconfused.   HehadexpectedtheTexastobeanallyagainsttheMexican,butBobwasnotthatkindof = Z Texan.     Bobsaidnothing,butactingquickly,surprisingbothJamesandBibbswithhowfasthe  moved,hegrabbedBibbsandspunhimaroundtowardtheentrancetothetent.Hepickedupthe Da  tallermanandholdinghimbythecollarandthecrotchofhispantshurledhimintothemudin   frontofthetent.Aninstantlaterhisdufflebaglandedbesidehim.Bobstoodarmscrossedonhis   chestinthedoorofthetent. Kh    "Youson-of-a-bitch!"Bibbssquawkedashescrambled,thenslippedtryingtogetup  fromthemuddyground."I'llgetyou!"Heslippedagainandalmostwentdownasecondtime.    Bobremainedatthedoorofthetent,waiting. Ro   "What'sgoingon,soldiers?"      Jacksonwasbackcarryingaboxedmeal.    "Nothing,Sarge,"Tonysaid,easingaroundBobandoutsidethetent."Themud'sreal Yv slick.Itshardtostandup." !#   HepickedGarza'sdufflebagupoffthewetgroundandtossedittoBob,whoturnedand "  putitbackonthecotinthetent. `$}"   "Comeon,Tex.Let'sgogetsupper."hesaidtoBob.  &*$   LookingatBibbs,nowstandingupandwipingmudoffhisuniform,hesaid. Youbetter '& getmoving,Bibbs.Youvestillgottofindabunk. g)!(   Bobfollowedhisfrienddownthegravelpathtowardthemesstent.Bibbsstaredafter +1#* them,thenpickinguphisbag,walkedalongthepathlookingforavacancyinoneofthetents. ,$, JacksonstoodforamomentintherainlookingafterBibbs,thenatTonyandBob.Hislipsmade  whatwashalfasmileandhalfafrown,beforehewentinsidethetent.     Yourequiteamanofaction,arentyou,Bob,Tonysaidwhentheywerefarenough = Z fromthetentnottobeheard. Youdontwastealotofenergyarguing,doyou?Idhatetobeon   thewrongsideofyouinafight.    Whathesaidmighthavebeencriticism,butBobdidnotanswerexcepttogrunt.The Da  scufflehaderuptedbeforehecouldstophimself.MeetingTonyhadloosenedthetightgriphe   hadalwayskeptonhisfeelings,butitalsoloosenedthegriphekeptonhisangeraswell.     Ijustsawred.Icouldnthelpit,Bobsaidfinally,aftertheyhadwalkedalmosttothe Kh  messtent.    Illremembernottowavearedflaginfrontofyou,Tonysaid.    Garzaarrivedatthetentwithhismealafterafewminutes."Hey!"hesaidwhenhesat Ro downonhiscot."How'dmygeargetallwet?"    "Don'tknow,"thesergeantanswered."Let'seat."   & Z     'Z &  @*   `     h   @&CHAPTER2    DrizzlingrainfellasithadallweeksincethetroopsarrivedintheKelchurchcamp,and Ro thetemperaturehaddroppedsteadilyuntilsleetmixedwiththedrizzle.Eventhoughtheycould  getpassestogointotownthefour-milehikeintheraindiscouragedmostofthesoldiersfrom  leavingcamp,butwhenTonysuggestedthatheandBobwalkintoKelchurch,Bobwelcomedthe Yv chancetospendtimealonewiththeothermanawayfromthecrushoftroopsincamp.'  !#   Didyouwanttodoanythinginparticular?"Bobaskedastheywalked.Hehadnoticed "  thatTonypulledouthiswatchsoonaftertheyleftcampandthenagainwhentheysteppedoffthe `$}" asphalttoletaJeepspeedpastheadedtowardtown.  &*$   Tonydidnotmentionanythingspecialwhenhesuggestedthetrip,butwhenhechecked '& thewatchasecondtime,Bobdecidedtoask. g)!(   "Yeah,"Tonysaid, Butyoudonthavetoifyoudontwantto.Iwasthinkingabout +1#* goingto""Hestoppedtalkingandlookedbehindthem.Lookslikewe'vegotcompany." ,$,   BoblookedbacktooandsawBibbswalkingfastintheirdirection,overtakingthem.    Ihadacreepyfeelingsomebodywasfollowingus,"Tonysaid.     Youthinkhe'sfollowingus?" = Z     Yeah.IcatchhimlookingatuseverytimeIturnaround.Youhaventnoticed?     BobhadnoticedbuthedidnotwanttomentionitincaseTonyhadnot.Bibbshadbeen  stalkingthemeversincehehadthrownthemanoutofthetent,anditannoyedBobandmade Da  himuneasy.BibbswashangingaroundeverywhereheandTonywent,tothemesstent,the   showers,mailcall.Bobthoughtheprobablywatchedtheirtentwhentheywereinsidetoo.     Yeah,Iguess,Bobadmitted. Doyouthinkheswaitingtojumpmeorsomething? Kh    Doubtit.Notunlesshecouldsneakupbehindyouinthedark.Hesallmouth.    Whydoyouthinkhefollowsusaroundthen?    JealousIguess. Ro   Whatfor?    Tonysmiledattheyoungerman. Ourbeingbuddies,Ishouldthink.    BobforgotforaminuteaboutbeingannoyedatBibbs.Tonyscallingthembuddiesgave Yv himawarmfeeling.Hewantedtosaysomethingtoaffirmtheirbeingbuddies,butnothing !# seemedrighttosay.InsteadhegruntedtoaffirmTonysreasoning,buthehopedTonywould "  alsotakethesoundtoaffirmthathethoughtheywerebuddiestoo.Havingabuddyfeltgood,but `$}" havingitaffirmedbyTonyfeltevenbetter.Hewouldhavelikedtoenjoythefeelinglonger,  &*$ maybeevensaysomethingelsehimself,butBibbsrapidapproachfrombehindspoiledthe '& moment. g)!(   Whydoesn'thegetabuddyhimself?hegrumbledwhileBibbswasstillafewsteps +1#* behind. ,$,   Tonygruntedinanswerthistime.Bibbswasgettingcloseenoughtooverhear,butitwas  arhetoricalquestionanyway.Bibbswasanass.EvenStrikerwouldnotwantthejobofbeing   Bibbsbuddy,evenifBibbshadanyinterestinStrikerexceptmoochingcigarettes.Heprobably = Z stillhadStrikerslighter.       Tonyspokeanyway,butintermsBibbswouldnotcatchwhenhewascloseenoughto  hear. Probablyafraidto,hesaid. Tohaveabuddyarealoneanywayyoucan'tbephony Da  withhim.HelookeddirectlyatBob. Youcan'tbeafraidofhislearningthingsaboutyou.   Friendsgettoknowalotabouteachother"     TheireyesmetandBobrememberedhisownsecretandthewholeuneasinessabout Kh  makingfriendsbeforehemetTony.Theuneasinessreturned,makinghimuncertainaboutTony  callinghimhisbuddy.    BobchangedthesubjectbacktoBibbs. What'sheafraidof? Ro   Everybody'sgotsomething.    Yousoundlikeashrink,Bobsaid.Hedidnotknowwhyhemadethecomment.Itjust  cameout. Yv   "Youreclose,Tonysaid. IwasstudyingpsychologyincollegebeforeIwasdrafted. !# Wantmetostartonyourcase?Tonygrinned,buttheanswermadeBobflushhotinspiteofthe "  freezingrain.HewasblushingandheknewTonynoticedbecausethemanstoppedgrinningand `$}" startedtosaysomething,butBibbsshoutedatthem.  &*$   TheinformationthatTonyhadbeenincollegewasanewpieceofinformation,butbefore '& Bobcouldaskaboutit,Bibbsshoutedatthemagain. g)!(    "Hey,youguys,slowdown,"hecalled. +1#*   TonyandBobstoppedandstoodonthesideoftheroad,theirbackstothewindwaiting   forBibbstocatchup.Hearrivedpantingforbreath.     "Youguysgoingintotown?" = Z   "Yeah."     Tonywastheonewhoanswered.Bobwassilent,andhisteethclenchedtogether  knottingthemusclesinhisjaw. Da    "OKifIgoalong?"       "Iguessso,"Tonysaid.     Bobhadnothingtosay.Hewantedtotellthemantobeatit,butheknewhecouldnot. Kh    "GonnaseeifIcangetmeapieceoftail,"Bibbssaidinhishigh-pitchedvoice."These  Englishdamesoughttobehot-to-trotwithalltheLimeysofffightingtheKrauts."    "Uh-huh,"Tonygrunted. Ro   "I'mhornyashell,"Bibbssaid.    NeitherBobnorTonyrepliedthistime,eventogrunt.    "Look,"Bibbssaid."Ihopeyouguysarentpissedoffatme.Ididn'tknowyouwould Yv stickupfor"thatis,thatGarzawasyourbuddy.OK?" !#   HestuckhishandoutforTonytoshakeit. "    Yeah,OK,"Tonysaidwithnoenthusiasminhisvoice,butheletBibbstakehishand `$}" andshakeit.  &*$   OK,Keyes?BibbsextendedhishandtoBob. '&   Yeah,sure,BobsaidandshookhandswithBibbstoo.HewouldhaverefusedifTony g)!( hadnottakenthemanshand.Bibbshandfeltbonyandcold.Hedidnotwantthemans +1#* company.HewantedtobealonewithTony. ,$,    e     Youguysgoingtoapub?    Maybelater.We'regoingtochurchfirst.     Church?You'rekidding,right?"Bibbslaughed. = Z   No,Tonysaid. WeregoingtoChurch.     BobwasassurprisedasBibbs,buthesupposedtheremarkwastoneedleBibbs,maybe  togetridofhim,andhehopeditworked. Da    ButitaintSunday,Bibbssaid. HowcanyougotochurchifitaintSunday?     Bobwonderedtoobutsaidnothing,lookingatTony.     "Today'sAshWednesday,"Tonysaid. Kh      "What?"Bibbsasked.    BobdidnotknowforsurehimselfwhatTonywastalkingabout.HehadheardofAsh  Wednesday,buthedidnotknowexactlywhatitwas.ItwasCatholic,hedidknowthat.Tony Ro mustbeCatholic.Thatwastwonewpiecesofinformation,collegeandTonysreligion.    Theyhadnottalkedaboutreligionbefore,andBobrealizedhowmuchhestilldidnot  knowabouthisfriend.HehadnevermetaCatholicthatheknewof,buthehadneverheard Yv anythinggoodaboutthemeither.TheywereakindofChristian.Heknewthat,butwhatthey !# believedorwhattheydidwaswrong"atleastthatiswhathehadheard.Hetriedtoremember "  whathehadheardaboutCatholics,buthehadnotpaidmuchattentionwhenpeopletalkedabout `$}" them.Theonlythingthathadregisteredwasthattherewasnotsupposedtobeanythinggood  &*$ aboutthem.IfTonywasaCatholicmaybe,theywerenotsobadashehadheard.Hewouldhave '&  tofindout. g)!(   "AshWednesdaysthebeginningofLent,"Tonyexplained.  BobdidknowLent  wasCatholic.IthadsomethingtodowithEaster,andithadtodowithgivingupstuff,like   dessertorsomethinglikethat,buthedidnotknowexactlyhowitwasconnectedtoEaster. = Z    Oh,Catholicstuff.Idon'tbelieveinCatholicstuff,Bibbssaid.     WhatdoyouknowaboutCatholicstuff,anyway,Bibbs?Bobasked.Hewasawareof  howlittleheknewhimselfabouttheCatholicChurch,buthedoubtedBibbsknewanymore,and Da  thewayhewastalkingtoTonywaspissinghimoffatthemanagain.IfhedidnotlikeCatholics,   heoughttokeephismouthshut.     BibbsheardtheangerinBobsvoice. Don'tgetsore,Keyeshesaid. Ididn'tmean Kh  nothing,OK?Ijustmeant"youknow"itain'tSunday.YouCatholictoo,Keyes?    SomethinginthequestionsoundedtoBobasifBibbsdidnotthinkhewas.Maybeitwas  merelythequestion,butitmadeBobmadderathim. Ro   Whatsittoyou?heasked. Youwanttomakesomethingoutofit?       Naw.IusedtogotochurchwhenIwasakid.Myfolksmademe.IgotsavedwhenI  wasnine."     Yeah?Bobsaid. = Z   Theonlyrightwayistotalimmersion.That'showIgotbaptized.Thatstheonlyright   waytogetbaptized.    Bobhesitated.HewasMethodistandMethodistsjustsprinkledwateronyourhead.He Da  knewBaptistsandMethodistsarguedaboutwhichwasright,buttheexchangewasabouttoget   outofhisdepth.HedidnotknowwhatCatholicsdid,eveniftheygotbaptized,althoughifthey   wereChristians,theyhadtodosomething.Itmightbetotalimmersion. Kh    Tonyhadbeenlistening,butwhenBobhesitatedhespokeup. Inoveryourhead,huh  Bibbs?hesaid.    Bobwasrelievedtoberescuedfromhavingtosayanythingelse,buthefeltputdownby Ro TonysremarkevenifithadbeenintendedforBibbs.HehopedTonyhadnotguessedhewas  overhisheadtoo.    Right!I""Bibbsbegan,buthestoppedandturnedhisheadtolookwithhissmallhawk Yv eyesatTony,checkingtoseeifthemanwasmakingfunofhim. !#   Tonysmiled,butBibbscontinuedtoeyehimsuspiciously. "    "Wanttogowithus?"Tonyasked. "tochurch? `$}"   BobdreadedthatBibbsmightsayyes,andwhatwouldtheydothen?Hewonderedhow  &*$ seriousTonyreallywasaboutgoingtochurch. '&   "No,Bibbssaid. LikeIsaid,Idon'tbelievethatCatholicstuff.I'llgofindapubandsee g)!(  ifIcanpickupsome"uh"something. +1#*   Theysplashedalongthepavementtogether,BobresentingBibbspresence.Hewas   beginningtofeelthecoldmoreunderhisslickerandovercoat.     = Z     Bibbscarriedonarunningmonologue.BobandTonysaidnothing,evenwhenBibbssaid  somethingthatcouldhavebeenaquestionlike: Thatsright,aintit?Heseemednottonotice   thatnooneanswered.Hestoppedtalkingonlywhentheyhadtoleavetheroadtolettrafficpass, = Z whenthemancouldnotmakehimselfheardovertheclatterandroarofthepassingvehicles   mostlyofficersandNCOsdrivingJeepsandanoccasionaltruck,allAmericanexceptanancient  blackAustinthatsmoked,burningoil. Da    Themenpartedcompanywhentheyreachedthevillage,BobandTonyturningatthe   crossroadstowardachurchsteeplevisiblearoundacurvedownthelanetotheleft.Theydidnot   lookback,butBibbsstoodattheintersectionwithhishandsthroughtheslitinhisslicker,stuffed Kh  intothepocketsofhisovercoat,hiseyessquintingagainsttherain,watchingtheothertwowalk  away.    Hepulledawatchfrominsidehiscoat,lookedatit,thenwalkedoffinthedirectionthey Ro hadbeenheaded,butstoppedagainandwatchedtheothertwountiltheydisappearedaroundthe  curveinthelane,thenheturnedandfollowedthem.    Areyouseriousaboutgoingtochurch?BobaskedwhenBibbswasoutofearshot. Yv   Yeah,ifitsOKwithyou. !#   Yeah,itsOK,Bobsaid,althoughhewasnotassureashetriedtosound.Hedidnot "  muchwanttogotoapub,especiallynowthattheyhadditchedBibbs,andhereallydidnotcare `$}" wheretheywentaslongashewasoutofthecolddrizzle,andwithTony. Howdoyouknow  &*$ thatsaCatholicchurch?heasked,noddingtowardthesteeple. '&   Itsnot,Tonysaid. NotRomanCatholicanyway.Churchesoutinthecountryhereare g)!( allC.ofE."ChurchofEngland"theoneswitholdbuildingslikethat. +1#*   WhataboutwhatyousaidaboutAshWednesday?WasthatjusttogetridofBibbs? ,$,   No,Tonysaid. Iwouldliketogotochurchandgetmyashes.      Oh,Bobsaid,onlyvaguelyunderstandingwhatTonywastalkingabout.He   rememberedreadingorhearingsomethingaboutashes.Partofitwasaboutreturningtodust = Z whenyoudied,buthecouldnotrememberthedetails. Howdoyouknowtheyllhaveashes   todayatthatchurch?Whatifitsnotthatkindofchurchandhowdoyouknowwhattimetheyll  bedoingit?Hefeltignoranthavingtoasksomanyquestions,buthewantedtoknowwhat Da  wouldbeexpectedofhim.     ItsgottobeC.ofE.,Tonysaidagain. LikeIsaid,itstoooldtobeanythingelseina   littletownlikeKelchurch. Kh    ChurchofEngland?Bobsaid TheytoldussomethingabouttheChurchofEnglandin  thelectureswegotonboardshipbeforewegothere,didntthey?Iwasntpayingmuchattention  butitskindofanofficialchurch,notlikeathomewherethechurchandstateareseparate!thats Ro intheconstitution.Hefeltignorantsayingthatmuch,asifwhathesaidrevealedhowlittlehe  actuallydidknow.    Tonysaid. Look,Imsorryfornotsayinganythingtoyoubeforeweleftcamp!ifyou Yv wantedtogowithmetochurchornot"butIwantedyoutogoandIthoughtmaybeyou !# wouldntifIaskedyouto.Itwasntveryhonestofme.WedonthavetogotoChurchifyou "  dontwantto. `$}"   ItsOK,Bobsaid. IguessIdontmindgoingwithyou,butIvegottotellyou,Idont  &*$ knowsquataboutCatholicsortheChurchofEnglandlessthanBibbsprobably.Aretheythe '& sameordifferentorwhat? ImMethodist,atleaseIwasraisedasone,butIdontknowmuch g)!( aboutanythingelse,exceptBaptists,andaboutallIknowaboutthemistheyrestricterthan +1#* Methodistsanddunkyourheadallthewayunderthewaterwhentheybaptizeyou,likeBibbs ,$, said.Theydontbelieveindrinkingordancingorsmoking,althoughIthinkmostofthemdo  anyway,atleastthemen.     = Z     Hepaused,thentobefair,headded, Methodistarentsupposedtodrinkeither,butalot  ofthemdo!likeIsaid,themenanyway.Hedecidedtostoptalking.Hewasjustexposingmore   ofhisignorance,anditembarrassedhiminfrontofhisfriend. = Z   Iwenttochurchwithmyauntandunclebecauseeverybodydid,Bobwentonanyway.    ButIneverthoughtaboutitmuch.Imean,IguessitisgoodtoknowtheBibleandstuff,butI  mostlyjustwentbecauseyouweresupposedto"tobesavedandgotoheaven.Aftermyfolks Da  died,goingtoheavenseemedimportant"Iguessitstilldoes,buttheideaofheavenmademore   sensetomethenthanitdoesnow.     Hestoppedtalkingagain,thinkinghesoundedmoreandmorelikeafool,andthatTony Kh  mightthinkhedidnotbelieveinGod,orsomethinglikethat.IfTonywantedtogotochurch  thenhemustbelieveinGodandBobdidnotwanthimtothinkhedidnt;besideshedidntreally  knowifhedidornot,atleastnotanymore. Ro   TheMethodistchurchstartedintheChurchofEngland,Tonysaid. JohnWesley,and  hisbrotherCharles,whostartedtheMethodistChurchwerepriestsintheChurchofEngland.  Theyneverleft.LatertheMethodistsbrokeawayandstartedaseparatedenomination. Yv   Priests?DontjustCatholicshavepriests? !#   Theythinkso,Tonysaid,andlaughed. AtleastRomanCatholicsdo.ButheChurchof "  Englandhaspriests"bishopstoo. `$}"   Methodistshavebishops,Bobsaid.Hefeltabouttwelveyearsold,likeaboytryingto  &*$ showoff. '&    Iknow,Tonysaid. g)!(   IstheChurchofEnglandpartoftheCatholicChurch?Bobasked.Catholicsand  ProtestantswereallBobhadheardofnotcountingJews.Hewasgettingconfused.Itwasmore   complicatedthanhethought. = Z      ItshalfwaybetweenRomanCatholicandProtestant"kindofneithernorormaybe   bothand.Anglicansliketosaytheyretheviamedia,themiddleway.    Anglicansarewhatwecallourselves,Tonysaid,notmakingBobaskwhattheword Da  meant. ItmeansAnglicanCatholic,asopposedtoRomanCatholic.Technicallyitisreformed   catholic,andnotactuallyProtestant.     Oh,Bobsaid,notreallyknowingwhatamiddlewaybetweenCatholicandProtestant Kh  mightbe.Hedecidednottoaskanymorequestionsuntilhehadachancetolearnenoughtoask  questions.HedidnotwantTonytothinkhewassoignorant.Hewasbeginningtosuspectthat  Tonyknewalotmoreaboutalotofthingsthanhedidandhewantedtoconcealhisown Ro ignoranceifhecould.Maybethechaplainatthecamphadabookaboutdifferentreligionshe  couldread.Thatmighthelp.    Astheycamenearthechurch,thegreatstonemassloomedoverthemonlyslightlydarker Yv thanthegrayofapproachingnight.Weaklightglowedratherthanshonethroughthecolored !# glassoftheleadedwindows,andtheoldstoneswerewetfromtherain,darkfrombothdampand "  age.Heavyoakdoorsleadinginsidethroughthesouthporchatthebaseofthestonetowerwere `$}" alsodarkfromweatherandage.Therewasonlyonestepupfromtheground,asifthewhole  &*$ buildingwassinkingslowly,ormayberisingslowlyfromtheearth. '&   Thefaceofaclockwassetinthetowerafewfeetunderwherethestonestoppedandthe g)!(  darkgreencoppersheathedsteeple,whichhadguidedthemthere,taperedtoasharppointhigh +1#* overhead.Theclocksaid4:30andalthoughBobdidnotownawatch,hethoughtitwasprobably  aboutrighteventhoughthecoldgraydaywasalreadygettingdark.      Itsuredoeslookold,Bobsaid,stoppingforaminuteinspiteoftherainandcoldto = Z gazeatthebuilding.Hehadneverseenanythingthatlookedasold.     Itis,Tonysaid. Partofitisprobablyoverathousandyearsold.        Yourekidding,Bobsaid.Hecouldnotimagineanythingotherthandirtbeingthatold, Da  certainlynotabuilding.NobuildinginTimpsonwasmuchmorethan50yearsold.TheOld   StoneFortonthecollegecampusinNacogdocheswassupposedtobeprettyold,buthedidnot   knowhowoldexactlybutcertainlynowherenearathousandyears.Howcouldabuilding,even Kh  achurchstandforathousandyears?Howcouldanythinglastathousandyears?    Thechurchdoorswereunlockedandtheywalkedintotheporchoutoftherainunderthe  baseofthetower.Itwascoldinsidebutthestonefloorwasdry.Nooneelsehadbeeninsideto Ro trackinthe              wet.Ahandletteredsign,tackedtoaclosedsetofinnerdoorsleadingintothenave  beyond,announcedthattheAshWednesdayliturgywithimpositionofasheswouldbeat6:00  P.M.. Yv   Doyouthinktheclockoutsideisright?Bobasked. !#   Tonypulledouthiswatchandchecked. Justabout,hesaid. Wevegotanhouranda "  half,hesaid. Youwanttogofindapubandgetadrink? `$}"   BobthoughtaboutBibbslurkingaroundinthevillagewheretheymightrunintohim.  &*$ Besidesthathedonlytastedbeeronceinhislife,onafootballtriptoGalvestonandhedidnot '& likethetasteatallandgaveittosomeoneelsetofinish.HehadaCokeinstead,whichwaslucky g)!(  forhimbecausetheCoachescaughtthemdrinking,whichwasillegalinTexasifyouwereunder +1#* 21,andhewastheonlyoneontheteam,otherthanCharlieWatson,thepreacherskid,thatdid  notgetintrouble.      Imnotmuchfordrinking,hesaid,notwantingtoadmitthatheneverreallyhad. = Z   Itskindofmiserabletowanderaroundintherain,Tonysaid.     Doyouthinkanyonewouldcareifwejustwaitedaroundinsidehere?WhatBobreally  wantedtodowasbealonewithTonywheretheycouldtalkinprivateandnotrunintoanyone. Da  Thechurchwasprobablythebestplaceforthattheycouldfind.     Itscoldinhere,Tonysaid.       Itsdry,andnocolderthanthetentincamp,Bobsaid. Idliketohearmoreaboutthe Kh  ChurchofEnglandandCatholicsand,whatdidyoucallit?Themediavia?Hereallydidnot  carewhattheytalkedabout.Hejustwantedtospendtimewithhisfriend.    Viamedia.Tonysaid. Ro   IsthatSpanish?Bobasked.HehadstudiedSpanishinhighschoolanditsoundedlike  Spanish.    Latin,Tonysaid. Yv   ThatskintoSpanish.Againhefeltlikea12yearoldkidshowingoff.Hewishedhe !# couldshutup. "    Tonynodded.HeandBobwentthroughthesecondsetofdoorsintothenaveinside. `$}"   Wartimerationingandthecostoffuelkeptthetemperaturejustabovefreezinginsidethe  &*$ building,butafterthewalkinthecolddrizzlingrain,itfeltgoodtobeindoors,notwarmbut '& betterthanoutside.Thenavelightswerenoton,butafloorlampatthebackofthechurchwas g)!(  burning,whichmadethecoloredwindowsseemtoglowfromtheoutside. +1#*   BobshiveredashefollowedTonytoapewhalfwayupthenave.Themenhadtakenoff   theirwetslickersandcaps.Tonydroppedtoonekneeforasecondasheenteredthepew.     Insidethebuildingsmelledofdampwoodmingledwiththesweetnessofsandalwoodand = Z myrrh,thescentwasslight,butenoughtostirupthememoryofacachetthatoncehungin   Mothersclothescloset.Bobsuddenlyfeltaloneandafraidandthenwithsuddenterror,he  thoughthemightevenstartcrying.Hehadnotcriedforyearsandheknottedhisjawand Da  clinchedhisfistsinsidethepocketsofhiscoat.Emptinesslikehungergrippedthepitofhis   stomachandheshutteredinthecold.Unaccountably,hewasafraid.Whatwashedoinginthis   foreignplace,coldandalone?Tonywasscarcelymorethanastranger. Kh    Hemadehimselfthinkofsomethingelse,notthefaintmemoryofhismotherscloset,but  theother,moreuniversalchurchsmells:oldbooks,olddust,andoldvarnish,buttheybroughta    longingforhometoobecausethatiswhattheMethodistChurchinTimpsonsmelledlike.He Ro tookadeepbreathandwilledhimselfintoafirmercontrolofhisbodyandmind.Hewasnota  kid,butamanandasoldier.    Heregainedhisgripandslidintothepewbesidehisfriendandsatstifflyonthehard Yv woodseat. !#   Tonyfoldeddownthekneelerattachedtothebaseofthepewinfrontandknelttopray, "  butBobsatstillanduprightintheseat,unsureandillatease.Hethoughtofkneelingtoo,buthe `$}" wouldhavefeltfunny,justimitatingTonyasifheknewwhathewasdoing.  &*$   WhileTonyprayed,Boblookedaroundhimatthebuilding.Hedidnotknowwhatthe '& architecturalelementswerecalledbuthewasintelligentenoughtoguesstheirfunction. g)!(   Stonepiersroseatregularintervalsseparatingthenavefromaislesalongeachside. +1#* Columnssupportedalineofclerestorywindows,theircoloredglassblackagainstthenight ,$, outside.Theheadofeachstonepierwashewnsquare,withflatfourpetaledflowerscarvedatthe  corners.Tiebeams,stainedblackbyage,crossedthewidthofthenaveoverhead,theirends   restingonstonecorbelssetabovetheclerestory.Eachtiebeamwassupportedbyakingpostwith = Z strutsflungoutstretchedlikearmstoholduptherafters,whichdisappearedintothegloomunder   theroof.Exceptfortheageandtheblacknessofthetimbers,overheaditlookedalmostlikewhat  theycalledthesanctuaryoftheFirstMethodistChurchinTimpson.Thathelpedmakeitseem Da  morefamiliar.     Overthechoirandsanctuary,insteadoftiebeam,kingpostandstruts,theroofwas   supportedbyhammerbeamandcorbel,sotheviewofthegreatrosewindowwasnotobscured. Kh  Aswiththewindowsofthenaveandclerestory,theblacknightoutsidetransformedthecolored  glassinthewindowtoobsidian,showingoffthedelicatestonetraceryofeachpetaloftherose.  Beyondtheancientoakseatsofthechoir,analtarofcreammarblestoodagainsttheeastwall Ro undertherosewindow.Abovethealtar,carvedfromthesamecreammarble,areredosdepicted        thefourevangelists,eachholdingthewingedsymbolthatidentifiedhim;Matthew,aman;young  Mark,alion;Luke,anox;andJohn,asoaringeagle. Yv   Thealtarwashungwithabrocadefrontal,purple,thecolorofpenancebecauseofLent. !# Twogiltcandlesticksstoodonthefair-linenclothofthealtarandthecandlesticksheldtallivory "  beeswaxtapers.ThecandleswerenotlightedbutBobguessedtheywouldbefortheservice. `$}"   ThesightofBibbs'spyingonthembrokeintoBobsthoughtsashelookedabouthim.  &*$ Themansunwantedattentionangeredandworriedhim.Hispryingwasanintrusionintothe '& privacyhewantedinhisfriendshipwithTony.Bobresentedtheintrusiveness,butevenmore,he g)!( thoughtofBibbsasathreat,forheknewalreadythatwhathefeltforTonywentbeyondthe +1#* usualboundsoffriendshipbetweentwobuddies.HehadbeguntohopethatTonyfeltthesame ,$, abouthimtoo.Bibbs'slypresencewasdangerousbecauseitleftnoroomforanunguarded  moment.     Gustsofwindblewrainagainstthewindowsofthenorthsideofthenaveandwaterran = Z inasmallrivuletdownthestonewallunderoneofthewindows.Asmallpatchoficehadformed   alongtheedgeofthestream.    TonyfinishedprayingandsatbackinthepewnexttoBob.Thetwotouchedlightlyat Da  theshouldersandthighs.Bobfeltthewarmthofhisfriend'sbodythroughtheroughclothofhis   uniform,anddespitethecoldinthechurchandhisirritationaboutBibbs,Bobfeltakindof   peacesettleoverhim.HestuckhisglovedhandsdeepintothepocketsofhisGIovercoatand Kh  relaxedagainstthepewbacktowait.Ashedidso,hiseyesfellonthebooksinthepewrackin  frontofhim.Thinkingthesmallvolumeswerehymnals,hepulledoneouttoseeifheknewany  ofthehymns. Ro   Theedgesofthepagesweredirtynearthemiddleofthebook,evidenceofmorefrequent  usetherethaninthefrontandback.Bobwaspuzzledbecausehehadneverseenahymnalworn  inthemiddlelikethat.Heflippedthepagesatrandomandsawnotmusicbutwordsgathered Yv into  paragraphsandverses,likepoetry.Heclosedthebookwithafingerstuckinthepagersto !# readthetitlestampedonthespine.CommonPrayer,heread.Hewasholdingabookofprayers, "  notahymnal.Bobhadheardofsuchthings,orreadofthem,buthehadneverseenone.Abook `$}" ofprayersseemeddullatbest,buttouseoneinchurchstruckhimasstrange,fallingshortofreal  &*$ worship.Foramoment,hefeltasifheheldsomethingalientohisownsenseofworship,andan '& unwelcomesympathywithBibbs'attitudes,butherejectedthethoughtnotwantingtoshareany g)!(  partofBibbsbeliefs. +1#*   Heopenedthebookagainwherehehadplacedhisfingerandbegantoread.He   recognizedapsalm,thetwentyseventh: TheLordismylight,andmysalvation;whomthen   shallIfear:TheLordisthestrengthofmylifeofwhomthenshallIbeafraid?" = Z   Bobstoppedreadingandlookedup.Thepsalmremindedhimofthekindofthoughtshe   hadtopushawaywhentheyintrudedintohismind.Hethoughtofthenightmarethatwas  suddenlyrealwhenhewokeupintheditchafterthecarwreck,andthenofthedreamoftheship Da  sinking,howhehadstruggledwithviolenceandscreamsandblackdeathinaditchonthesideof   anight-shroudedhighway,andintheblackoilslickwaterintheocean,andnowhismindsawa   blackholefilledwithwaterinabattlefield.Inthedreamsitwasrainingandthewaterwascold Kh  andkeptrisingwhilehestruggledtogetoutofthehole,likethemeninthenightmareatsea,like  hehadbeenfacedownintheditchwaterbesidethehighway.Withaneffort,hewasabletoforce  awaythehorrorinhismindashesatnexttoTony,butnottheanxietythatgnawedattheedgeof Ro hismind.Heknewitwouldbreakthroughagainatnightwhenheslept.    WhenhewaswithTony,theterrorabated:thedanger,thedread,theanxiety,butnowhe  rememberedBibbs,howhetoolurkedattheedgeofhismindwatching,athreattoBob'speace Yv andareminderthateveninthehavenofTonyspresence,hewasnotreallysafe.Hefound !# himselflongingfortheperfectlypeacefulseclusionbesidethepoolonthefarm,butwithTony, "  notthephantomKeno. `$}"     Boblookedbackattheprayerbookandreadon.Thoughanhostofmenwerelaidagainst  &*$ me,yetmyheartshallnotbeafraid:andthoughthereroseupwaragainstme-   '&   Bobshivered,notfromcoldbutfromavisionoffacelessGermansthatthewordsofthe g)!( psalmbroughtintohismind,thenhesawBibbstoo,amongthosewatchingfromtheranksofthe +1#* enemy" YetwillIputmytrustinhim.OnethinghaveIdesiredoftheLord,whichIwill ,$, require:eventhatImaydwellinthehouseoftheLordallthedaysofmylife,tobeholdthefair  beautyoftheLord,andtovisithistemple.     Bobraisedhiseyesfromthebookagain.Hefeltalumpinhisthroatandhiseyesbegan = Z towellwithtears.Hetookabreathandwilledhimselftobackawayfromtheemotionthat   threatenedtooverwhelmhim.Thenthethreatoftearsdisappeared,andunexpectedlyheentered  aplaceinhimselfhehadneverbeenbefore. Da    Hewasawareofdiscoveringsomethinginsidehimselfhehadneverknownwasthere.   Findingitmystifiedhim,likewhenhediscoveredanunfamiliarplaceinthedarkwooded   bottomsalongtheAttoyacRiver,aplacewherehekneweveryinch,orthoughthediduntilone Kh  dayhestrayedfromthebeatentrailandfoundasmallclearinghedidnotknowwasthere,and  sawawildcatnappinginapatchofsuninsuchperfectpeacethathecouldnotkillhim.Helet  thecatlive,evenifwildcatsoftenkilledchickensandweresupposedtobeshot. Ro   Thedifferencewas,thatheknewbywhatturnhehadcometothatnewplaceinthe  bottoms,orthoughthedid,andheknewhowtogetout,buthedidnotknowthepaththathadled  himtothisstrangeplacewithinhimselfandhewasnotsurehewantedtofindawayoutalthough Yv hewasafraidsomehowtoremain. !#   ThewordsofthePsalmitselfhadnotbroughthimtothisplace,butsomestrangeand "  unfamiliarrealitythewordsevoked.Itwasasifthewordswereanincantation:thewordsofa `$}" spellthatproducedamysticpowerwhenhereadthemandopenedtohimachamberinhissoul  &*$ hehadneverknownwasthere. '&     Ifwhathefeltwasconnectedtoreligion,thenitwasdifferentfromanythinghehadever g)!( knownbeforeaboutreligion.Ithadnothingtodowithtotalimmersion,orBaptistorMethodist +1#* orAnglicanorviamedia.Allthatwasunrelatedtowhathewasfeeling.Thiswasaspiritual ,$, placeandhadnothingincommonwithreligionoftheintellect.Thiswasbeyondthatkindof  understanding,theunderstandingofarationalmind.Thishadnothingtodowithreason:thiswas   anotherkindofunderstanding"amysteriousbutveryrealpeacethatdefiedreason,likea = Z nocturnalwildcatssleepingfearlessinapatchofthesun.Ifawildcatcanfindpeaceinbright   sunlight,thensomighthe.    HefeltpeacewhenhewaswithTony,butthepeacewithTonywasnotsoperfect.Peace Da  withTonywasnotsocertain,notsoprotecting.PeacewithTonydependedontoomuchthatwas   uncertain,Bibbs,thewar,evenTonyhimself.HeknewhowhefeltwhenhewaswithTony,but   hedidnotknowhowTonyfeltwhenhewaswithhim.Somedaymaybehewouldfindout,but Kh  nowhewasinthisstrangeinnerplacebyhimself.    Hesurprisedhimself,discoveringthathewaspraying,anunaccustomedsortofprayer,  notaprayerofwordsandsentences,butoffeelingsofaspiritualcomplexitytherewerenowords Ro for.Aprayerhehadtosensemorethanwhathecouldconnecttothroughhisnormalsenses.He  satinthatsenseofprayerandknewtherewasanotherpresencethereinthatnewplace,  unrecognizedbutnotunfamiliar,andhisspiritreachedouttoitbutitretreated,butwhenhiseyes Yv soughtandreadagainthewordsofthepsalm,forthefirsttimeinhislifelonelinessandfear !# slippedawayandhefeltsafe,likehetoosatinapatchofsun.Hecontinuedreading: Forintime "  oftroubleheshallhidemeinhistabernacle;yeainthesecretplaceofhisdwellingshallhehide `$}" me,andsetmeupuponarockofstone.Andnowshallheliftupminehead:abovemineenemies  &*$ roundaboutme. '&   Bobreadthewordsoverandoveruntilheknewthembyheart:Forintimeoftroublehe g)!(  shallhidemeinhistabernacle;yeainthesecretplaceofhisdwellingshallhehideme,andset +1#*   meupuponarockofstone.Andnowshallheliftupminehead:abovemineenemiesround   aboutme.     TonystirredbesidehimandBoblefttheplacehehadbeen,asquicklyashehadentered = Z it,notknowinghowlonghehadspentthereorwhetherhemighthavemerelybeenasleep.He   closedtheprayerbookandleanedalittleheavieragainsthisfriendinthepew,whoseemedjust  thenBobspatchofsunlight,andknowingitwassafetobethatclosetohim. Da    "fairbeautyoftheLord.Bobsgazecametorestonthemarblealtar,nowglowing   goldeninthecandlelight.Hedidnotknowwhenthecandleshadbeenlightedorwhohaddone   it. Kh    BobwasnotawareatfirstthatTonyhadturnedtolookathim,butwhenhedidnotice,he  smiledinresponsetohisfriend'ssmile.    Whereyouasleep?Tonyasked. Ro   Iguessso,Bobsaid,butifithadbeensleep,thememoryofpeacefelttooperfect,too  realtohavebeenadream.Thetwomenwerepressedcloseagainsteachotherandneithermoved  awayfromthecloseness. Yv   Otherworshipersdriftedinandsatdown,mostlyinthebackofthenavebehindTonyand !# Bobsothetwodidnotseethemuntiltheycameforwardfortheimpositionofashes.Asmall, "  vestedchoirmadeupofwomenandoneoldman,filedintothechancel,followedinafew `$}" minutesbyaveryoldpriestwearingacaciquesurplice,andapurplestole.Hewasprecededbya  &*$ boywhoservedhimatthealtar,bringingthebreadandwineandwashingthepriest'shandswith '& asilverbowlandpitcherbeforetheoldmanbegantheconsecrationofbreadandwine. g)!(   BobfollowedtheserviceintheprayerbookwhileTonyhelpedhimkeephisplaceasthe +1#* liturgyshiftedfromoneplaceinthebooktoanother,butBobdidnotgotothealtarrailto ,$, receivetheasheswiththerestofthecongregation.Later,however,listeningtotheprayerof  consecration,identicalinwordstotheMethodistcommunionserviceheremembered,herealized   thathedidwanttoreceivethebreadandwine. = Z         "CanItakecommunion?"hewhisperedtoTony.     "AreYouconfirmed?"    BobwantedtosayhehadjoinedtheMethodistChurchwhenhewastwelve,butthe Da  thoughtremindedhimunpleasantlyofBibbs,soheshookhishead.     "Bringaprayerbookandholdit.Thepriestwillblessyouinstead."     Foramoment,Bobhungback.Hehadalwayshatedcommunionathomebecauseofthe Kh  awfulexposedfeelingwalkingtothealtarrailinfrontofpeopleforapointlessritual.Hefelt  ill-at-easeinastrangechurchsodifferentinceremonialandpracticefromwhathewasusedto,  andhewasdisappointedthathecouldnottakecommunionevenwhenhedidarriveatthefront Ro ofthenave.Apriestsblessingmeantlittletohim,buttheblacksmudgeofashonTonys  foreheadwasasymbolofsomethingthatseparatedhimfromhisfriendandhewasreluctantto  haveTonymakeanothertriptothealtarrailwithouthim.Hepickedupthebookfromtheseat Yv wherehehadlaidit,andstumbledoutofthepewbehindTony. !#   HekneltbyTonyatthefarleftendoftherailandasthepriestworkedtowardthemwith "  thebreadalongtherowofkneeingpeople,Bobtriedagaintopray"ashehadbefore,anythingto `$}" makehimfeellessafraud,somethingtomakehimfeelasifhewerereallyengagedinareligious  &*$ act"butnothingcame.Heenduredthewait,lostinspiritualnumbnessandasenseofnot '& belonging.HewasastrangerkneelingatthealtarofastrangeGod. g)!(   ThepriestreachedTonyandplacedthewaferinhisoutstretchedhand. +1#*   "ThebodyofourLordJesusChristwhichwasgivenforthee"" ,$,   TheprieststeppedinfrontofBobandhesitatedamomentbutcontinuedtopronouncethe  wordsofadministration.     ""preservethybodyandsouluntoeverlastinglife." = Z   TheoldmanlookeddownattheprayerbookinBob'shandsthenfrownedand   deliberatelytappedBob'schinwithhisfingers.      BobwasafraidhehadviolatedasolemnruleandpubliclyembarrassedhimselfandTony. Da  Helookedupatthepriestquestioninghimwithhiseyes.Thepriestopenedhisownmouth,   signalingBobtoopenhis,andwhenBobdidsothepriestplacedthewaferonhistongue.     "TakeandeatthisinremembrancethatChristdiedforthee,andfeedonhiminthyheart Kh  byfaithwiththanksgiving."    Atideofemotionfloodedupfromthatstrangeplacethathadsorecentlyopenedup  insidehimandwashedawayBobsspiritualnumbness.Tearsflowedintohiseyes.Theoldman's Ro faceandthescenebehindhimblurredinwaterypatternsoflightandcolor.Theanxietyhehad  feltonhiswayupthenavewasgoneandintensehappinessreachedfromwithin,nottheserene  peacehehadfeltbefore,butajoyfulpeace.Hedidnotknowwherethejoysprangfrom.There Yv wasnoobjectofincitementforit.Tonyandthepriestandtheothersattherailwerepartofhis !# joy,butthejoystretchedouttoencompassauniverseBobcouldnotcomprehend. "    Hecontinuedtokneelatthealtarrail.Hedidnotmoveandhewasnotconsciousofany `$}" movementaroundhimalthoughthepriestwalkedawayandplacedthepatenonthealtarand  &*$ tookthechaliceandbroughtittotheworshipers.Bobdrankthewinetoobuthewasconsciousof '& doingsowithonlyapartofhimself.Hisfelt,finallytobeconnected,toallthatfilledthechurch, g)!(  thevillageoutside,andfinallybeyondthatintothevoidofspaceandtime. +1#*   Thewarhelduncertaintyanddanger,butnomoredangerthantravelingadarkhighway   inTexaswhenhewasnine.Bibbswasonlyafrightenedandlonelyman.Thereweremillions   likeBibbsscramblingaboutintheworld,graspingtotouchthehemofhappinessforthemselves. = Z   Bobknewthathewaslovedandcherishedandofinfiniteworth.Hehadfoundforashort   timeaconnectionsofirmthatitmadeinconsequentialthethreatofhumanhate,orhuman  weakness,ortheuncertaintyofhumanlove.Forabriefmoment,butonehewouldrememberin Da  timesofdanger,hesawthatneitherBibbs,norwar,norloneliness,norhisowndoubtsand   ignorancehadthepowertoharmhimattheend.     Heglimpsedpower,shiningwithabrilliantlightthatwashedintoafrighteningdarkplace Kh  inhismindwithbrightness.Bythatlight,Bobcouldlookevenintothosesecretplaceswhich  beforehadbeensofrighteningindarkness.    Inthatlight,BobdiscoveredthatlovingTonywasgoodandwhatevernaggingguilthad Ro castashadowonthatlovedisappearedlikeaghostatsunrise.Atpeacewaswrittenonhis  mothersheadstone,andnowforthefirsttimeheunderstoodfortheverybriefestmoment,that  youdidnothavetobedeadtobeatpeace. Yv   HehadlefttheinnerplacewherehehadvisitedforamomentthepresenceofGod.Then !# themomentwasgone.Assuddenlyashehadtouchedthebrightedgeofeternity,themoment "  vanished,andfearandlonelinessclosedinagain.EvenTony'spresence,soclosetohimatthe `$}" altarrail,seemedfragileandapttobesnatchedawaywithoutwarning.Hewantedtoreachout  &*$ andgraspTonyshandtoholdontohim,buthecouldnotstir. '&   Whentheserviceended,Tonystayedforamomentortwointhepewtopraywhileaboy g)!( acolyteputoutthecandles,andthistime,withouthesitating,Bobkneltbesidehisfriend.While +1#* theyprayed. ,$,   Theoldpriestshuffleddownthesouthaisleandwaswaitingforthembytheporchdoor  whentheyleftthechurch.     "It'sgoodtoseeyouboys.AreyouEpiscopaliansfromAmerica?"heaskedwhenthey = Z reachedthedoor.     Tonyansweredforhimself."IwasbaptizedbytheChurchofEngland,butmyfamily  emigratedandIwasconfirmedbytheEpiscopalbishopofLosAngeles. Da    "You'renotAnglican,Itakeit,thepriestsaidtoBob.RomanCatholic?"     "I'maMethodist,sir,Bobsaid. Ididn'tthinkIcouldtakecommunion.I'msorryif"     "Wellactuallyyouaren'tsupposedto,butthatsalotoffoolishnesswithawaron.Isaw Kh  theprayerbook,ofcourse,butitjustcametomeoutoftheblueatthetimethattherightthingto  dowastogiveyouCommunion.Thepriestpausedforamomentasifconsideringbeforehe  said,"Idohopethatwasallrightwithyou.Ihopeyou'renotoffended." Ro   "Ohno,sir.IreallyfeltsomethingIneverfeltbeforewhenyougaveittome."Bob  blurtedoutthewordssosuddenlyheembarrassedhimselfwithhiscandor.BothTonyandthe  priestlookedathimpuzzled. Yv   "Oh?Well,yes.Good.Isee,"theoldmansaid,butBobknewhedidnotsee. !#   Thepriestlookedasifthereweremorehewanted,oroughttosay,butdidnotknow "  exactlyhowtosayit.Bobfelthehadbeenthecauseoftheoldman'sconfusion. `$}"   "MaybeIcouldcomebacksometimetoseeyou.Idon'tknowmuchabouttheChurchof  &*$ England." '&   "Why,yes.Yesdo.I'dlovetoseeyouanytime.Bothofyou." g)!(   TonyandBobsaidgoodnighttotheoldman,andbeforetheystartedbacktothecamp +1#* theywalkedtothepubforaglassofEnglishale.Bibbswasnotinthecrowdedroom,andafter ,$, thefirstglass,Bobdecidedhelikedthetastebetterthanheremembered.Maybeitwasbecause  thiswasdifferentfromahighschoolfootballtripandmaybeitwasdifferentdrinkingwithTony.     Afteranhourstandingatthebar,theybeganthehikebacktotheArmycamp.Therain = Z hadstoppedandastiffwindwasbreakinguptheclouds.Starswereshiningthroughclear   patches,andintheeasttheglowofthemoonstrainedthoughtheovercast.Thepavementofthe  lanewasslipperywithpatchesoficeandTonyandBobstayedontheshoulderwherethefooting Da  wasmoresecure.     "DidthepriestaskyouifyouwereaPresbyterian?"Bobaskedafterawhile,breakingthe   silence. Kh    "GoodLord,no.Episcopalian.IntheStates,it'sthesamecommunionastheChurchof  England,theAnglicanCommunion."    "IhaveEpiscopalianandPresbyteriansmixedupIguess,"Bobsaidsmiling."Iknow Ro aboutMethodistsandBaptismsandHolyRollers,butthat'saboutall.Seemslikethere'san  EpiscopalchurchinNacogdoches.Nobodyheardmuchoutofthemthough.Thechurchisbythe  college,butIneverwasinit.ItsnameisChristChurchandacrossthestreetisaChurchof Yv Christ.WhenIwasakid,Ithoughtthatwasfunny.Whatiftheybothgotcoveredwithashes,like !# Pompeii,andsomebodydugthemupathousandyearsfromnow.Howwouldtheyfigureout "  whytheChurchofChristandChristChurchwererightacrossthestreetfromeachother?"I `$}" neverdidfigureitoutandIdidntwanttoaskbecauseitseemedlikesomethingeverybody  &*$ alreadyknewbutme. '&   Itdidnttakeathousandyearstopuzzleyou,soitprobablyalreadypuzzlesalotofother g)!( peopletoo. +1#*   Theybothchuckled. ,$,   "Youactuallygoingtogobacktoseethepriest?"Tonyasked.    "Yeah."     "Why?" = Z   Bobdidnotanswerimmediately.Thememoryofhisexperienceatcommunioncame   backtohimandhethoughtaboutitforamomentandthewayinwhichthevisionhadcollapsed,  buthedidnotknowhowtotellTonyaboutit.Hehadtothinkaboutitmorebeforehehadthe Da  words.     "Iguessbecauseofyou.      Hefeltaflutteringexcitementinhisstomachanticipatingwhatheintendedtosay. Kh    "Me?Howsthat?"Tonyasked.    Bob'sheartwasbeatinghard,asifhewererunning.Thenhewasbroughtupshortby  doubt.MaybehehadmisreadTonyandhadgonetoofar.Heheldhisbreathandhoped. Ro   "Whatareyougoingtotellhimaboutme?"    Bobrealizedthathehadmisunderstoodhim.    "Ididn'tmeanIwasgoingtotalktohimaboutyou,butbecauseofyou.ImeantIwanted Yv togetconfirmedsoIcantakecommunionallthetimeand"Iwanttobeabletosharethatwith !# you. "    AlumpclosedBob'sthroatandhewasunabletosayanythingelse.Hehadastrange `$}" feelinginthepitofhisstomach,andhisgroinfeltstrange,asifhewereonthevergeofgetting  &*$ anerection.Hewasgladitwasdark.Hewassurehehadtearsinhiseyesandheknewhishands '& trembleddeepinthepocketsofhisovercoat. g)!(   Tonydidnotspeak.InsteadhereachedoverandputhisarmacrossBob'sshoulder, +1#* pulledhimcloserforamoment,thenrelaxedhisarmandletitrestthereastheywalked.They ,$, hadtraveledforseveralpaceswhensuddenlytheyheardanoisebehindthem.Someonehad  steppedintoapuddleofwaterandbrokenthethinicecoveringit.Theyturnedtoseewhoitwas   andTonylethisarmdropawayfromBob.Theywerestartledandembarrassed. = Z   Themoonbrokethroughthecloudsasifalightwereturnedoninadarkroom.Theroad   andfieldsoneithersideshowedupclearlyinsharpcolorlessdetail.Therewasiceonthefence  railbesidetheroadandonthebaretreebranches.Bibbsstoodseveralyardsbehindthemwhere Da  hehadstoppedwhentheyturned.Hisfacewasashgrayinthemoonlight,asifheweredead.   Hateshowedinhiscloseseteyes,andthecornersofhismouthturnedupinanexpressionthat   mockedasmile.Hewalkedtowardthemandwhentheydidnotmove,andhesteppedaround Kh  them,passingthemontheroad.    "Fuckingqueers,"hesaidashepassed.Hedidnotlookbackandwalkedawaydownthe  road. Ro   Beforehehadgonefar,Bobchargedafterhim,reachingthemanbeforeTonycould  restrainhim.Bobhadonlyonethought.HehadtokillBibbs.    "Bob,don't!"Tonyshoutedafterhim. Yv   BobignoredTony.HegrabbedBibbsbytheshoulderandroughlyspunhimaround,his !# righthanddrawnbackreadytopoundhisfistintoBibbs'startledface. "    ButTonysshoutstoppedBobsfistinflight.Hestoodfrozenreadytostrike,buthedid `$}" notcarrythroughwiththepunch.Throughhisredfurysomethingelsealsostoppedhim.  &*$   ThetopbuttonsofBibbs'overcoatwereundoneandshocked,Bobthoughtthemanwas '& nakedunderneath.Inthemoonlighthesawwhatappearedtobeamassofblackchesthair g)!(  stickingfromtheopencoat,butthatwouldnothavepreventedtheattack. +1#*   Boblookedagain,stillholdingBibbsbytheshoulder,hishandcocked,thenhehearda   whimper.Thesoundwaspitiful,tooweaktohavecomefromBibbsnomatterhowscaredthe   manwas.Bob'seyesfocusedthroughtheangerandhesawtheblackheadandonewhiteforepaw = Z ofapuppystickingoutofthefrontofBibbs'overcoat.     SlowlyBobloweredhisfistandthehandholdingBibbsshoulderlooseneditsgrip,buthe  didnotletthemango. Da    "Youvegotadog?"     Abunchofdaisiessproutingfromtheman'schestwouldhavesurprisedBobless.     "It'sapuppy,"Bibbssaid."IboughthiminKelchurch.He'smine." Kh    "He'sgotapuppy,Tony,"Bobsaid.Hisvoicesoundedasifthepossibilitywere  incredulous.    TonycameuptowhereBobstillheldBibbsloosely. Ro   "I'llbedamned,"TonysaidasifhehadnotheardwhatBobsaid."Itisadog."    "Lemmego,Keyes,"Bibbssaid.Hewasstillfrightened.    Bobslowlywithdrewhishand. Yv   Whenhewasfree,Bibbshurriedaway,holdingthepuppywithonehandclosetohis !# chesttopreventitsbouncingfromhiscoat. "    "He'sgotapuppy,"BobsaidasthetwowatchedBibbsstrideaway. `$}"   NeitherhenorTonyspokeforashorttimewhiletheywatchedthemanhurrydownthe  &*$ roadtowardcamp,thentheywalkedon.TonyreachedoveranddrewBobtohimagainwithhis '& arm,buthedidnotleaveitonhisshoulderthistime. g)!(   +1#* @&CHAPTER3    Thefollowingdaywascold,althoughnotquitefreezing,andthenorthwindhadswept Ro theskycleanofclouds.DawnbroughtoneofthoseshiningbrightdaysEnglandisfamousforon  travelpostersbutwhichareinfactseldomseeninanEnglishwinter.Thetreeswerebarebut  theystoodoutlikepewtersculptureagainstandalmostcobaltsky.Crystaldrops,somewhere Yv betweenwaterandiceonthebranchesglitteredliketinselleftoverfromChristmas.Thefields !# andhouseshadafresh-scrubbedlookfromtherainandthesunsparkledontheruffledsurfaces "  ofpuddlesandsteamswithabrilliancethatmockedthegrimnessofwar. `$}"   Justasthesunflashedonthewater,thetroopsreflectedthebrightnessoftheclearday  &*$ andlostforawhiletheheavymoodofwarriors.Foratime,theywereyoungmenagain,showing '& thatforthemostparttheyweretheageofschoolboys,especiallysincesomethingevenmore g)!( novelandexcitingthanBibbs'newpuppybrokethecamproutineearlyinthemorning.Word +1#* waspassedthathalfthemenwouldget48-hourpassesiftheywantedtogotoLondon. ,$, &    Puffingcloudsofsteaminthecoldair,thesoldiersluckyenoughtobeleavinglaughed  andjokedastheyscrambledtoboardthetraininExeter.Theyjostledeachotherinunorganized   confusionmillingaboutthestation,enjoyingthenoveltyofanunmilitarybedlam. = Z   BobandTonywereamongthosewithpasses,butshortlyaftertheyenteredtherailway   stationtogethertheywereseparatedbytheshovingcrowdhurryingtothetrain,andBobwatched  withgrowingpanicasTonywascarriedawayaheadofhiminthepressofmen.Inthecrushhe Da  lostsightofhisfriendandinhispanicincreasedashehadavisionofspendingthefortyeight   hoursalone,wanderingtheforeignstreetslookingforTony.Hestruggledinthemassofbodies,   anxiouslypushingaheadtryingtolocatetheotherman,buthecouldnotseehim.' Kh  &    "Bob!Hey,Bob!Overhere."    BobheardTonycallingoutfromaheadofhim,buthestillcouldnotseehim.Tonywas  invisibleintheseaofkhaki.'  Ro & Z   "Tony?Whereareyou?"    "Here.Toyourright."'Z    FinallyBobsawtheothermanfurtherupthetrack.Hewaswavingfromthedoorofa Yv firstclasscompartmentopeningoutofthesideofacarahead. !#   "Hustleman,I'msavingyouaseat." "    Bobpushedhiswaythroughthecrowdtowardthecar.Thoseinhispathexperienced `$}" somethingofthepoweranddeterminationthatmadehimfirststringquarterbackonthehigh  &*$ schoolfootballteam.AshegotcloserhesawBibbstryingtoclimbpastTonyandgetintothe '& compartment,butTonyblockedthemansway.Bobreachedthecarandclimbedinunderthe g)!( armTonyhadthrownacrossthedoor. +1#*   "OK,takeitassholes!"Bibbssaid."Idon'twanttokeepyoutwosweetheartsapart." ,$, & Z   HesawStrikergettingintoacompartmentfurtheruptheline.    "Hey,Strike,heshouted, Savemeaseat.'Z#   &    BibbsturnedawayfromTonyandBob,andashedidsoheletahanddrooponalimp = Z wrist.TonygaveBibbsthefingerandshutthedoorofthecompartment,grinningashesatdown   intheseatnexttoBob.    "Whatanasshole,"helaughed.'=  Da  & o   Boblaughedtoo,buthisearsandneckwereburningwithangerandembarrassment.He   wouldhaveattackedBibbsagainexceptthatTonyhadbeenstandinginthedooroftherailcar   andwouldnotlethimby.ItsurprisedBobthatTonycouldtaketheremarkandthegestureasa Kh  joke,andtheincidentsubduedBob'sspiritsforafewminutes,butasthetrainbegantomove,the  noveltyofthetrip,andmostimportantofall,hisreliefatrejoiningTonybroughtbackhisgood  humor.Soonhewaslaughingandjokingwiththeothersinthecompartment. Ro   AnancientEnglishwomaninalavenderbonnetandalongblackdresssharedthe  compartmentwiththem.Itwasamysteryhowshehadmanagedtogetonthetrainwhenthe  soldierspushedaboardatExeter,butbysomemiracleshehadmanagedtoholdherowninthe Yv rowdycrowdatthestation.Shejoinedinthesoldiersrevelry,cacklingatthejokesandtryingto !# shareherlunch.'ok "  &    "YouladsgiveittotheKaisernow,youhear?"shesaid."OurTommiesandyouYanks! `$}" TheGermanswon'tlastlongfightingtheEnglishspeakingnations!Haveacucumbersandwich,  &*$ won'tyou?" '&   "It'sHitler,ma'am,nottheKaiser,"someonesaid."'`$# g)!( & Z   "What'sthat?" +1#*   "It'sHitlerwe'refighting,nottheKaiser."'Z+ ,$, &    "Andwellweshouldbe!Whatascoundrel!Areyousureyouwon'ttryacucumber  sandwich?Mygrandsonlovesthem.HesfightingtheHuntoo"inIndiaIthinkorsomewherein   theEast.Iforgetexactly.Butthepeoplearecolored.HesentphotographsbeforetheGermans = Z came.AretheycoloredinSingapore?Thatseemsright.Yes,it'sSingapore,Imsure."     Thesolderslaughedandenjoyedtheoldladyandeachother'scompany.Bobwasgladto  makeherlaugh,evenifhermentioninghergrandsonbroughtasurgeofsorrowforher. Da  Singaporehadfallenin1941,shortlyafterPearlHarbor.' :     FormostofthetripTonyrodewithanarmacrossthebackofBob'sseat.Bobwouldhave   beenshyaboutrestinghisownarmontheseatbehindTony,especiallyafterBibbs'public Kh  commentandgesture,butTonywasunconcerned.BobhadspenthoursaroundTonysincethey  hadbecomefriendsinthetruck,butexceptforthefewminutesinchurchandthewalkinto  Kelchurchandback,beforeBibbssurprisedthem,theyhadnotenjoyedthephysicalcloseness Ro possibleinthecrowdedtrain.Hewascomfortablyawareduringthetripoftheslighttouchof  Tony'sarmonhisshoulderandthepressureofhisfriend'sbodyagainsthim.Somuchdidhe  enjoytheclosenessoftheotherman,hefeltafleetingdreadofthetimewhentripwouldend. Yv   WhentheydidarriveinLondon,findingahotelroomprovedtobemuchharderthan !# gettingseatstogetheronthetrain.Everyhoteltheytriedwasjammed,andwithagrowingsense "  thattheymightnotfindaroomatall,theywalkedintoaplacethatlookedtobesoexpensivethat `$}" itmighttakeasizablechunkofBobspokermoneyifaroomwereavailable.  &*$   Whentheyenteredtheelegantlobbythevastspacewaspackedwithanoisycrowdthat '& wasmostlyhighrankingAmericanofficers.Bobwasintimidatedbytheseaofeaglesandstars g)!( andwouldhaveleftwithoutgoingtothedesk,butTony,withabrashselfconfidencethatmade +1#* Bobuneasy,tookBob'ssleeveandpulledhimintothelinewaitingtotalktothedeskclerk. ,$,   Afullcolonelaheadofthemleftdisappointed.Anyonewithoutreservations,even  colonels,wereobviouslybeingturnedaway.Tonywaitedinlinewithalookofindifference   however,andnonchalantlyeyedthemanbehindthedesk.Theclerknoticedthepeculiarstareof = Z thesoldierandwarilywatchedhimapproach.Hewasaslendermanofaboutthirtywhofiddled   nervouslywithapenandthesheafofpapersheheldthatlistedthenamesofthefortunatewho  couldberegistered.Hisfaceshowedasadwearinessasifhedidnotsleepwell. Da  & a   Tony'sturncameatthedeskandwithperfectcomposureheaskedtheclerkforaroom   fortwo.Thesoundofhisvoice,evenmorethanthefoolhardinessoftherequestcausedBobto   lookathiminsurprise.TonyhadspokenwithanEnglishaccent.Theclerklookedsurprised. Kh    "Oh!AreyouBritish?"heaskedinavoicethatimpliedeithertheaccentorTony's  Americanuniformwereafraud.'a  &    "Myparentsemigratedinthetwenties.Itatookawartogetbackover." Ro   Heliftedthelapelsofhisuniformwithhisthumbsashespoke,smilingbrightlyand  winkingattheman.'R5    "Isay,Iamsorry,butwe'reallfull.Ireallycouldntfindyouathing"evenifyouwere Yv GeneralEisenhowerhimself." !#   "That'stoobad.YouandImightberelated,youknow.Imsurewehaveacommon "  friend?" `$}"   Tonywinkedagainandcontinuedtosmileattheclerk,whowasrapidlyrufflingand  &*$ straighteningthepapersinhishands. '&   Bob,whowasstandingbesideTonyatthedesk,hadbeenlisteningtotheexchange, g)!(  tryingtofigureoutwhatTonywasupto.HewasreadytobeturnedawaywhenTony'slast +1#* remarkandthesecondwinkmadehimthinkofBibbs'insultonthetrain.Thecollararoundhis  necksuddenlygrewtight.Hewantedtodisappear.      Themanbehindthemintheline,arestlessNavycaptain,wasalsolisteningtothe = Z conversation.Bobwasafraidtolookattheofficer.Heexpectedthemantopullapenandpad   fromhispocketandasktheirnamesandunit.Alongmomentpassedwhiletheclerk,without  speaking,lookedatTony,thepapersrustlinginhishands.Thecaptainsighedimpatientlybut Da  otherwisewassilent.     "Youknow,youjustmightberight.IsyourfriendsnameDorothy,byanychance?the   clerkasked.Hebrightenedabitandhiseyeslookedalittlelessweary. Kh  & Z   "Youguessedit.Dorothyisareallygoodfriend,"Tonysaidnodding.    "Ithoughtso.ItsalwaysgoodtomeetafriendofDorothy."'Z  & Z   NowitwashisturntosmileandwinkatTony. Ro   Bobwascompletelyconfused,anditappeared,sowastheNavyCaptain.'ZR  &    "I'lltellyouwhat,"theclerksaid,"Ishareaflatwithmybrotherwho'satseaonconvoy  justnow." Yv   InhismindBobsawtheorangeflamesburningonthewater.' !# &    Theclerkcontinued,"It'sonlyonebedbutmaybeyoucanmakedo." "    Bobblushed.Itstartedunderhisshirtalongthebaseofhisneckandslowly,burninglike `$}" fire,rusheduphisneckandface.'"  &*$   "We'lltakeit!"Tonycried.Hisbuoyantnaturedeniedthatanythingwasunusualinthe '& sleepingarrangements.MensharedabedinroominghousesduringtheDepressionbeforethe g)!( war.Bob'sembarrassmentdisappeared,wipedawaybyTony'senthusiasm.Heevenhadthe +1#* couragetogivetheNavycaptainahurriedsmileandsaluteashefollowedTonyoutofthelobby. ,$,   DuringtherestofthedayTonyshowedBobthecity,takingprideinLondonasifitwere  hisownhometownandhisfamilyhadneverleftEngland.Theysawenoughofthewar-ravaged   areasofthecitytocastBobintoagloomymood,butTonyremainedcheerful.Theyhadarranged = Z tomeettheclerkbackatthehotelinthelateafternoonandwhentheyreturnedhewaswaiting   forthemonthesidewalkoutsidethelobbyentrance.HeintroducedhimselfasLloydWilliams.    "Asyoucanseebymyname,I'mWelsh,"hesaid. Da  &    "Welsh?WhatsmoreimportanttomeisthatyoureafriendofDorothy.     HetookthebackofLloyd'sthinneckwithhishandandmauledhimplayfully.The   WelshmanlookedabitembarrassedbytheAmericanassaultonhisdignity,butneverthelesshe Kh  seemedtoenjoytheaffection.Thewearinesslefthisfaceandhelookedhappierandyounger.'7     ThethreedescendedintotheLondonUndergroundandboardedatrain.Afterseveral  stopswithnamesthatinBobsmindsoundedliketheywereoutofSherlockHolmestheygotoff Ro thetrainandwalkedupaquietresidentialstreetlinedoneithersidewithtall,redbrickhouses.  Mostofthem"thosethathadnotbeenwrackedbybombs"hadbeenconvertedtoflats.The  streetswereclearedofrubble,butbetweensomeoftheoldhomespilesofblackeneddebris Yv showedintherawblackscarsthedevastationthewarhadbroughttotheneighborhood.Ragged, !# halfstandingwallsandemptyspaceslookinglikebrokenandmissingteethinacronesface "  marredthestreet. `$}"   Lookingatbombedoutareasinthecommercialdistractsearlierinthedayhadbeen  &*$ depressing,buthereonastreetwherepeoplestilllived"wheremanyhadalsodied"wherethey '& hadeatenmealsandsleptandlovedeachother"wheretheyhadreturnedfromthebombshelters g)!( tofindtheirhomesandsometimestheirfamiliesgone,thewarwassuddenlyreal,notjustsome +1#* abstractdestinationtowardwhichtheyhadtraveledacrosstheocean,leavingtheirownhomes ,$, andfamiliesbehind,buttherenohomesweregoneorfamilieslost,norwouldtheybe,Bob  thought,becausetheAmericanswereherenowtodefeattheNazisandliberateEurope.     Butnowthewarwasmuchnearerandmorethreatening,andBobwasagainintensely = Z awarethatheandTonyfacedanunknownfuture.Therewasnoreasontothinkthatthewar   wouldgoonforever,butneitherwasthereanywayofknowinghowlongitwouldgoon.The  sceneatthetrainstationinExeterfloodedback.AgainBobsawTonybeingcarriedawaybya Da  dirtykhakitide.OnanimpulseBobreachedouttopullTonycloser,butherememberedhimself   evenashishandmovedtowardtheothermanandhequicklydrewhishandbackandthemotion   lookedasifhehadtouchedsomethinginmidairthatburned. Kh  &    Tonywasstudyingtheburned-outhouses,asifhetoo,inaneighborhoodwherepeople  lived,werejustnowseeingtherealityofthewarforthefirsttime.HemissedBobsgesture,but  'Lloydsawitoutofthecornerofhiseye.Hemadenocomment,butsomeoftheweariness Ro returnedtohisface.Hepointedtotheairraidshelterattheendoftheblock.  & a   "Jerry'snotcomingoverjustnow,butit'salwaysbesttobereadyifhedoes.Justpop  downtheredirectlyyouhearsirens,butbecarefuloftartsinthedark.TheyaremorehazardousI Yv thinkthanbombs!" !#   Helaughed.Butitwasafrailjoke,meanttolessenwhateveranxietiestheAmericanshad "  abouttheraids.'ak `$}"   Theyclimbedthreeflightsofstairstoaflatinthebackofahouseinthemiddleofthe  &*$ blockandenteredagloomyroomthathadasinglenarrowwindow.Yellowtwilightfiltered '& thoughtpanesgrimyfromcoalsmokethathungoverthewintrycity.Inthedimlight,Bobcould g)!(  seeagashotplateandatinyrefrigerator,onlywaisthigh,thatwasrunningwithasofthumand +1#* rattle.Inthemiddleofthefloorwasatablepaintedwhiteandtwostraightbackedchairs.Against  thewallunderthewindowwasabedsonarrowthatitwasnotmuchmorethanacot.      Thewallswerepaperedinapatternoflargeredroses.Travelpostersofthesouthof = Z FranceandofSpaincompetedinsplashesoforangeandbluewiththeroses.Theroomwasneat   butithadapeculiarsmell,acombinationofcookingodors,dampness,kerosene,anddirty  clothes.Thesmallspaceseemedcrammedwithmoreoflifesactivitiesthanitcouldhold. Da  & h   Boblookedforadoorleadingtowhereanotherbedroommightbe,buthesawnone.The   doorthroughwhichtheyhadcomewastheonlyone.Heglancedagainatthesinglebed,then   nervouslyatTony.Lloydsawthepathhiseyeshadtraveled. Kh    "Isay.I'venotbeenexactlyhonestabouttheaccommodations.Ididn'tthinkitbesttogo  intodetailatthehotel"whatwiththeYankeefour-striperstandingthere.Actuallymy  friend"thatis,my"uh"brotherandIgaveupalargerplacebecausehewasawaysomuchand Ro theflatwastoodeartokeepforjustoneofus.IthinkhethoughtitwouldbeeasiertooifIwere  already'h & h livingbymyselfif""Heletthesentencetrailoffwithoutfinishinghisthoughtandhis  eyestrayedtoapicturenearby. Yv   Bobhadglancedatthepicturebefore.Itsatnexttoanalarmclockonasmalltableatthe !# endofthebed.Aman,perhapsinhislatethirties,witharuggedlyhandsomefacestaredsmiling "  backatthem.Thebridgeofhisnosewasflat,asifitbrokenandbadlyset,buttheflawservedto `$}" makethefacemoreappealingratherthanspoilinghislooks.Hehadanarmflungcasuallyovera  &*$ companion'sshoulder.BobhadtolookcloselytorecognizethatthecompanionwasLloyd"but '&  amuchyoungerLloydwithoutwearinessandsadnessinhiseyes.'h ! g)!( & a    Lloydsawhisinterestinthepicture. Thatshim"Stephen,Lloydsaid.Hesinthe  MerchantMarine,sailingconvoysacrosstheAtlantic.Hesbeengone",Hehesitatedthen   finishedthesentence, quitealongwhilethistime. = Z   Bobfeltsomethingturninsidehim.AgainhehadanurgetotakeTony'shand.Thewar   hoveredoutsidethegrimywindow,anevilpresenceintheyellowtwilight.'a$  &    "It'squiteallrightforyoutostay.Really.I'lljuststaytonightwithafriend.Hehasloads Da  ofroomandhepestersmenoendtokeephimcompany"especiallyatnight.Youtwocanhave   thisplacetoyourselves"suchasitis."     "Gee,no,Lloyd.Wecan'tkickyououtofyourroom,"Bobsaid.'D& Kh  & h   Sadness,sointenseitwaspainful,tookholdofhim.Hedidnotgraspwhyimmediately,  butagainhewasclosetotears.Heknewhewouldcryifhetriedtospeakagain.Lloyd's  explanationofwhyhisbrother"orhisfriend"hadnobedintheapartmentbroughtbackthe Ro nightmareatseaagain.ThesightofthecotunderthewindowonwhichLloydproposedhespend  thenightwithTonyseemedtobeagifttoocostlyforLloydtooffer.    "ButIinsist.It'snobotherreally"andbesideswhereelsecanyougo?It'stoocoldonthe Yv groundinHydePark,andthetrainstationsareascrowdedasthehotels.Youwontevenfinda !# benchtoliedownon."'h ( "  & a   Tonyhadsaidnothing.Heseemedtohavebeenstrippedforawhileofhiscarefree `$}" nature.Hehadbeengazingatthepictureonthetablenearthebed,thenhelookedquietlyat  &*$ Lloydasthemanspoke.Slowlyhelookedaroundtheroom.Hiseyescametorestagainonthe '& picture.Thenhespoke. g)!(    "Thanks,Lloyd.Weappreciateit."'a`$+ +1#* &     Hisbuoyantnaturewasstillmissinghowever,andbecauseitleftavoid,Bobwas  consciousofhowshortatimehehadknownhisfriend.Bobhadneverseenhimsosober.Then   Bobknew,withanewlydiscoveredempathywithhisfriend,thatTonytoowasclosetotears. = Z   Allthreemenstoodinsilence,embarrassedbywhathadsuddenlybecomeaheavy   moment,loadeddownbywhateachofthemknewwhathadhappenedtoLloydsSteven.Tony  clearedhisthroatandbegan:"Hey,canwe"?"Hestoppedandclearedhisthroatagain.' - Da  &    "Hey,havedinnerwithus,"hesaid.Hegotthesentenceoutcomplete,andeventhough   hisvoicestillbetrayedemotion,somethingofahappynaturereturned.Tonysrecoveryofhis   composurereassuredLloydandBobandtheytooktheircluesfromhim. Kh    Ireallyshouldn'tintrudeonyourtimetogether."'0  & Z   Bobdidnotmissthesignificanceoftheremark.Hiscollarseemedtootightagain.    "Don'tbesilly.Weoweyousomething,"Tonysaid.'Zc2 Ro & Z   Bobspokeuptoo."Yeah,Lloyd,comeon,gowithus."    "Well"Ireallyshouldn't,but"justgivemeamomentwhileIgowashup."'ZI3  & a   Hedisappearedoutoftheroomintothehall.WhenhehadgoneTonyandBobstood Yv togetherinthecenteroftheroom.Bothrealizedatthesamemomentthatitwasthefirsttime !# theyhadeverbeenalonetogether,evenforafewminutes,withoutthepossibilitythatinthenext "  momentsomeonewouldinterrupttoseeoroverhearthem.Bothfelttheneedtousethemoment, `$}" 'aY-4tomarkitsomehowandnottowasteit.Neitherspokenormoved.Bobsuddenlywasawarethat  &*$ hewasholdinghisbreathasifhewereunderwater.Heforcedhimselftobreathe. '&   TonysteppedtowardBobandawkwardlyputanarmaroundtheshorterman,hishand g)!( clenchedintoafist.Theembracehadthenatureofroughhousingaboutit,butinspiteofits +1#* clumsinessthegestureconveyedsomethingdeeperthanjustgoodnatured_affection. ,$,   "Good_ol_'Bob,"Tonysaid.    BobstoodwithTony'sarmsqueezinghisshoulderandwasimmobilizedasifturnedto   stone.Hecouldnotrespondeventhoughhewantedtoshowinsomewayhowhefelttowards = Z Tony,butwithTonysarmoverhisshoulder,hestoodwithbotharmstohisside,frozenwithhis   shoulderagainstTonyssideandcouldnotturntofacehim.Hediscoveredthathewasagain  holdinghisbreath. Da    TheyheardatoiletflushdownthehallandthenthesoundofLloydwalkingbacktothe   room.Tonylethisarmdropslowlytohissideandasitfellhistouchlingeredandwastenderer   thanthetighthughadbeen.Bobwasstoodstiff,unhappywithhimselffornotbeingableto Kh  returnthetouchnomatterhowmuchhewantedto.HefearedthatTonywouldthinktheparalysis  meantBobwasindifferentorthathewasrejectingTony'saffection.    Lloydbustledbackintotheroomandtookacasualjacketoffahookbythedoor. Come Ro onblokes.Let'sgoorallthefoodwillbegone."